Friday, June 02, 2006

Look Ma, No Brains

okay. alright. I just ate dinner at my mom's and for some reason I'm all hyper and fidgety and shit. I'm wondering whether my mom slipped me a hit of Ecstasy in with my mashed potatoes.

Anyway, I'm sitting in front of my computer at home listening to Dallas Green, who should be a million times more popular than James Blunt, and thinking about what I did at work today.

Okay. What did I do, what did I do? Well, I spent roughly 6 hours at work thinking about asking the girl beside me out to a movie - chick looks exactly like a fuckin' anime cartoon. Anyway, she's about 50 pounds and hardly speaks a word of english, and thats not really my scene, so I eventually nixed the whole notion of asking her out, but I did spend the remaining three hours of the day picturing her naked. And ahhh...that, I guess, is my day at work, in a nutshell.

Oh yeah, and I suppose it goes without saying I was also trying out different names for my penis, while at work. So far the front runner is "Higgins". You know, like on Magnum PI? I think Higgins would be a fitting name for my penis because it always seems to be indignant and outraged at some business or other.

Higgins, my penis: Good god, man!! You are planning on sticking me in where?!?!

and

Higgins, my penis: Good god, man!! When was the last time you moisturized your hands?

Yeah, maybe I'll bounce (the name) Higgins off of a few women and see what they think.

11 comments:

kattbanjo said...

lol! Can't wait to hear the reaction!!

Melissa said...

Mr. Belvedere. I always remember Higgins as being a kill joy.

Me said...

Oh my...I'm sitting here giggling.

Good God, man! :)

Anonymous said...

you should have gone with Stanley (as "me" suggested) because you know it is always good for a fuck!

Elaine said...

Higgins.. higgins is okay but I have to go with Melissa on Mr. Belvedere.

it sounds...robust.

And a robust penis is never a bad thing...

Freak Magnet said...

I had a neighbor whose kids used to slip hits of acid in her diet coke. I was apalled - she thought it was hilarious.

I kind of like Higgins.

anusb said...

Nah, I concur with me and anonymous. I'd personally want to be done over by a dick of that name anytime!

Anonymous said...

no good

Anonymous said...

u need to be a fiercer fucker then whatever the name of your penis

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Katt - cant wait to report the reaction.

Melissa - weird. I was also thinking about Mr. Belvedere (along with Benson).

me - glad I could give you a chuckle.

elaine - for a moment there I considered the name "scott speedman".

Freak Magnet - thats weird too. Why would anyone waste their acid on their mom.

anonymous - I have a friend at work named Stan. It'd be too strange.

thanks, all

Me said...

I can't believe we've all overlooked the obvious. Word on the street is that all the ladies call your penis "master."

Hehehe.