Monday, June 19, 2006

My Day At "Work"

Me and X, my great Tunisian, cool-cat hipster friend, work in the investment sector. And in doing so, we must follow strict policies and procedures to protect Shithole Co., our employer, from fraud and money laundering schemes. We have been told many, many times "if you have even the slightest doubt about the validity of a transaction, do not process it until all concerns have been addressed and all your questions have been answered.

So, with that outta the way, I'll go on explaining what went down at my work today.

It was a little before noon and I had already turned off my brain for the day. I had just decided to surf the internet for black babe on white dude porno till the end of my shift. I was about to run a search on Google for "once you go black" when X ran into my cubicle laughing so hard there was hardly any sound or laughter coming out of his mouth. He stood at my workstation for 15 - 20 seconds pounding his fists on my desk, trying to regulate his laughter so he could take a breath.

"Whats so funny, man?" I asked. He held out a cheque and handed it to me. It was from a shareholder.

" it". He said with great difficulty as he was still laughing pretty hard. I looked at the cheque. It was a purchase request sent in by a shareholder. The shareholder's name was Hector Busetinio.

"I dont get it. Whats so funny" I asked.

X regained a little composure and explained "I dont think its the same here, but in Spain, the word busetinio is slang. It means little pussy".

"What do you mean", I asked again, "like small vagina?"

"No, little pussy like little fag, kind of, but its not really intended as a mean-spirited term. Its something you might call your friend when you just want to tease him, like - Hey busetinio, whats going on today? In Spain there is no way someone would keep such a last name. Such a name would only be used as a joke or if someone wanted to set up a dummy name/account".

"What if thats what this guy is trying to do?"


"What if this guy is using a fake last name to set up a scam account?"

"No, I dont think so. I'm sure its just coincidence".

"I think you should tell Y (x's manager)".

"And what am I supposed to tell her? I can't set up this guy's account because his last name means little pussy in Spanish!?!?"

Me and X looked blankly at each other for a couple of seconds. We were both contemplating what he had just said... and then we broke out into hysterical laughter. Tears were rolling down my cheeks I was laughing so hard. Each time I thought I might be able to regain my composure, I imagined myself walking up to the President of our company and having this conversation with him:

"Excuse me, sir?"
"What is it, son."
"I'm afraid I have some bad news".
"Out with it, now. No use beating around the bush. What is it?"
"I wont be able to execute this buy order on behalf of the shareholder".
"Why not".
"I'm afraid his last name means little pussy in Spanish. I think we better alert the authorities".

After about 20 minutes of pissing myself with laughter, I decided I couldn't stay in the office any longer. I had to get out. Me and x decided to call it a day and go watch the soccer games.

We went to a nearby bar and waited for the Tunisia vs Spain game. Our waitress was very friendly and pretty good looking also. You could tell she was digging X.

"So, who are you guys gonna cheer for?" She asked.

"We got Tunisia's native son sitting here." I answered poking X in the ribs with my elbow.

"Really?!? Wow, thats interesting" she said, her smile all sunshine as she eyed the lithe Tunisian by my side.

Apparently the waitress was telling everyone in the bar that X was Tunisian. Every once in a while we'd hear someone call out to us "Hey friend, where is Tunisia, exactly?"

X would answer "ahh, its in Northern Africa, between Algeria and Libya". Me and X would look at each other for a several seconds and again break out in uncontrollable laughter.

"Holy, shit!! Nice fuckin' neighbouring countries you have!!"

"Everyone here probably thinks we're terrorists"


Ahhh...maybe you just had to be there. So, all in all, today was a pretty good day. Sure, Tunisia lost 2 - 1, but I got a couple of good chuckles in and X is probably boning the waitress about now.


Me said...

Thank you so much...

This entry actually made me laugh right out loud. Granted, people are looking at me all weird-like, but that's okay.

Little pussy...hehehe...

Lowry said...

So everything worked out for everyone. What ever happened to little pussy and his check?

Song request has been granted.

Freak Magnet said...

I worked at a country club who had a member by the name of Seymour Pecker. I kid you not.

Melissa said...

He he he he he, you said vagina. And I do believe I have a new word to call other drivers that piss me off. Excellent.

kattbanjo said...

that's my new word 'o' the day,now I just have to use it in a sentence.....

X. said...

hehehe, that was hilarious... it is a Brazilian thing though not Spanish. A Brazilian friend of mine calls his roommate bucetinio all the time, it's hilarious.

Actually in Tunisia we do that do (I never realized that before actually) u call your close friends, my little pussy or just pussy you can also call them Mr Dick and it is not offensive but friendly.

It is funny how a word in a language may be offensive or gayish and in others nice and sweet... in Tunisia when you like something you say "oh this dinner was very pussy" or "this girl is such a pussy" or "this player is so pussy" not cause he is hot but because he is a good player obviously:)

You should have your own pussy language in English too, you should start Hootch. I feel Melissa, Ellen, Me, Freak, Kattbanjo... could be strong contributors… you should create the pussy lingo blog !

Anyway, pussy day for all of you!


X. said...

F*** man we had good laughs at Shithole Co. I never thought one day I would miss this place dude... but I will.

You should tell your nice audience about the labour stats sent by the big masta and the stories of our dear enslavers... touch wood touch wood.

Soon to be ex-Slave bucetinio#1

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

me - glad I could give you the chuckle.

lowry - everything with the guy checked out. It was his real name. I'll be stopping by shortly.

freak magnet - the only way I would want a first name like Seymour, would be if my last name was Pecker.

melissa - maybe next time I can learn some hand gestures to pass on, to accompany the potty mouth

katt - I'm not exaclty sure how that word will fly in your neck of the woods, but it should be interesting.

x - the pleasure has been all mine, brother. Shithole co. will never be the same without you.

Mother Tunisia will be as happy as fuck to have her native son return to her. Go set the country on its ear.

Jaques Faggotstein said...

That is not funny.