Thursday, December 20, 2007

investment strategy, set to self destruct

For the past 3 quarters I've bought shares in Research in Motion a day or two before they announce their earnings. The previous 3 times this has proved a very profitable strategy as RIM has met or exceeded expectations and increased guidance going forward.

Yesterday I did the same. I basically emptied out the investment account and poured everything into Research in Motion at $101.50 on the Toronto Stock Exchange. Before I made the purchase though I got the feeling that maybe I was making a mistake. Maybe the pattern that I have been taking advantage of the previous 3 quarters is gonna reverse and fuck me over.

Research in Motion announce their numbers after the bell today, so if they miss, in my opinion, the stock will open at least $5-$10 below today's close depending on forward looking guidance. I dont necessarily think they will miss expectations for this quarter but I think the possibility of a sell-off is real even if they hit their numbers but dont provide a large ramp up in expectations going forward.

However, the upside potential, I'm thinking, is 10%-20% within a few days if RIM hits or beats their numbers and increases guidance, so.... I'm all in.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My friends, the relationship experts.

Sterg: Whats this rumour I'm hearing about you taking hotblackchick to the basketball game.

Hootch: Yeah, I was gonna tell you about it but I never had the chance.

Sterg: Dude! I was supposed to go to that game with you!

Hootch: Yeah, but come on, its hotblackchick!! Besides, its only Sac town we're playing. Its gonna be a shit game.

Sterg: Thats not the point! The point is...

Babyface: (joining the conversation and interrupting Sterg) Hey, Hotblackchick just told me you two are having dinner tonight.

Sterg: You're having dinner, tonight, with her?

Hootch: Yeah. Who told you?

Babyface: I just said, she did, motherfucker. She came up to the cash in pharmacy to buy some shit and she mentioned the dinner.

Hootch: Ah.

Babyface: And guess what, dude? I have big developments for you.

Hootch: What? Did she say something?

Babyface: Its not what she said. Its what she bought.

Sterg: If she bought condoms for Hootch I'm gonna kill myself.

Babyface: She didn't buy condoms but she bought something just as indicative.

Hootch: Well, what, man, what did she buy?

Babyface: Vasoline.

Hootch: What?

Babyface: Vasoline, dude. She bought vasoline!! Thats just as telling as if she bought condoms.

Hootch: I cant believe I got excited there for a second. You're an idiot.

Babyface: Dude, she's sending a signal. She bought the vasoline at the pharmacy cash on purpose cuz she knew I would see the lubricant and tell you. She wants you, guy. She wants you!

Sterg: Shit, babyface is right. Hootch, you need to send a signal back.

Hootch: What!? No! You guys are morons. She just bought vasoline ok, lets not read anything into it that isn't there. Its nothing. And you're idiots.

Babyface: You know what you need to do? Buy a pack of condoms and take them to the cosmetics cash and let hotblackchick see and ring you up.

Sterg: And dont buy those fucking ultrathick condoms you like. Buy something from the Trojan For Her Pleasure line, so she thinks you're sensitive. I think that'll score big points before you ask her to suck your balls.

Hootch: Ok, that is not gonna happen.

Babyface: Fuck, dude, do we have to do everything for you?

Sterg: (Yelling probably loud enough for hotblackchick to hear at the cosmetics counter) NO, SORRY, HOOTCH. WE DONT HAVE ANY CONDOMS LARGER THAN THE MAGNUM DOUBLE EXTRA LARGE.

Babyface: You forgot to say "for her pleasure".

Sterg: Shit, you're right.


And with that I walked away wondering if hotblackchick heard any of our nonsense.

Friday, December 14, 2007

There's poon up in thar' hills

I think I struck poon yesterday.

I was in the lunch room at work yesterday with PistolPete's sister, talking basketball. Superhotblackchick was there also fixing her makeup. WolverineHair comes in and says:

WolverineHair: Hey, (PistolPete's sister - haven't figured out what to call her yet). Some guy just called and wanted to thank you for providing excellent customer service.

PistolPete's sister: OMIGAWD!! Thats so nice. Do you know who it was?

WolverineHair: He didn't leave his name.

Superhotblackchick: He probably thought you were hot.

PistolPete's sister: I think it was an older guy.

Superhotblackchick: I have an older guy who comes in almost every monday to give me gifts and things.

Pistol Pete's sister: Is he good looking?

Superhotblackchick: Ahhhhhh, no!!

PistolPete's sister: Oh well. I better get back to the front. My break is almost over. See you guys later (leaves with WolverineHair).

Hootch: So, how much older is this guy who comes in for you, like 24, 34, 44... 104??

Superhotblackchick: 24?! Oh, Lord, no. I'm 26.

Hootch: 26!?! Holy smokes you look like a baby. So how old is this guy?

Superhotblackchick: I think he is in his late 40's. I dont date that much, but when I do I only date older guys, but I think thats a little too old for me.

Superhotblackchick: Would you date an older woman?

Hootch: I know its kinda vain and I'm almost embarrassed to say but I dont think I would.

Superhotblackchick: Hah, so you would only date younger women and I only date older men. What a pair we make.

Hootch: (lifting my head and looking at superhotblackchick to confirm the signal I think she's giving) Hey, you know, I won a pair of basketball tickets at the staff Christmas party, I dont have anyone to go with yet, do you wanna come?

Superhotblackchick: Yeah!! That would be fun.

Hootch: Wicked.

Superhotblackchick: I think me and you are gonna get along great together cuz you look like you're really mature. I like that alot.

Hootch: (comtemplating saying - I think me and you are gonna get along together cuz you got the best ass-tit combo I've ever seen) For sure. I've always been pretty mature. (if we flashback about 30 minutes previous you'd be able to find me attacking wolverinehair and ass humped him while singing George Michaels' "I Want Your Sex"

C-C-C-C-C-C-C-Come on!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

My attmepts to pick up the bartender at the staff xmas party

Making my way over to the buffet table, I notice the quesidilla wraps are right beside a type of food I'm not familiar with. I try and figure out what the mystery dish is but all I can conclude, in my inebriated state, is that its small, round and must go together with the quesidilla wrap.

I put two of the round mystery items in my quesidilla wrap. The bartender comes over also looking to get something to eat.

Bartender: Are you putting pierogies in your quesidilla?!?

Hootch: Listen, yo. I dont even know what a pierogi is, but this shit right here, this combination... is fucking delicious.

Bartender: A pierogi is what you're putting in your quesidilla.

Hootch: Oh... well then yeah. I guess I am. I guess I am putting pierogies in my quesidilla. Why... you're not supposed to?

Bartender: No, you're not.

Hootch: Well you should cuz this shit is fucking good. You know what would make it even better?

Waitress: I'm afraid to ask.

Hootch: Well, you dont have to ask, Joanie, I'll tell you.

Waitress: Did you just call me "Joanie"?

Hootch: A little honey-mustard and like... PLOW, this might be the greatest dish ever created, you know? Rachel Ray, my balls, bitch.

Waitress: (trying some pierogies in her quesidilla wrap) Hmmmm, you know. This is good.

Hootch: I told you.

Waitress: I would have never guessed it. that honey-mustard suggestion is gross though.

Hootch: Oh well, whatever. You know, I feel a little guilty, cuz I haven't even given you any fair warning or anything.

Waitress: Warning over what?

Hootch: I haven't given you any fair warning over the fact that I'm wearing Axe deoderant and Tag body spray.

Waitress: What?

Hootch: I'm wearing Axe deoderant and Tag body spray, so if you and your friend feel the overwhelming urge to group sex me, dont hold back on my account. Its alright. I'm cool with it.

Waitress: No thanks. I'd rather link up with the pierogi and the honey-mustard.

Hootch: .....

Waitress: ...

Hootch: Lesbian.

Monday, December 10, 2007

My Auxilary Underwear

These are my auxilliary/emergency pair of underwear. They're all stretched out, the crotch is destroyed and eaten away.

I know.

Pretty rad, right?

My emergency underwear kind of remind me of chaps, except the ass is covered and my balls hang out. Actually, I'm thinking of patenting and marketing this design. Nutsack chaps. Even has a nice ring to it.

Nutsack chaps - Give your balls the freedom they deserve


Nutsack chaps - Your nuts will thanks you for them later

Thursday, December 06, 2007

my, yet to be named, comics

I posted the links to a few comics I did a while back. The links can be found just to right of this post. I haven't done any new comics in quite a while but I remember they were fun to make. Hopefully I'll get around to scratching out a few more sometime.

If you are inclined to, please feel free to offer criticism and suggestions for improvement.



Monday, December 03, 2007

I gots myself one of them Blackberry Pearls

I just bought a Blackberry Pearl today. Ordinarily, I'm not really much into tech gadgets, but yo, the Pearl is fucking tight. This is my Blackberry Pearl:

This is me making sweet tender finger love to my Blackberry Pearl:

I know the quality of the pic is not the greatest but here's what it would look like from the Pearl's perspective:

In this picture notice the thumb over the stink finger for added support and stability. Nice. In the previous pictures notice the, not so subtly placed, books designed to give the impression that I is smart. Genius.