Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Friday, December 08, 2006

yes, I know this is a huge waste of your time

WARNING: The following post is even gayer than this picture:

I've already posted this pic before and it really has nothing to do with what I was intending on writing about, but fuck it... I'm too tired to write much of anything now anyway.

When I first took the above pic I didn't even realize there was a huge statue within the frame of my shot. I initially took this picture because I thought the black guy in the bottom right hand corner was Denzel Washington. Imagine my shock and horror when he turned around and I saw this:

YIKES!!! I have no fucking idea who this guy is, but rest assured he is no Denzel. Judging from the teeth this guy is obviously some ill-conceived hybrid between a beaver and James Brown.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Parts of me will always love NewCootch...

... the penis part, primarily.

Alright, as I arrived for my job 30 minutes late, sat myself behind my work computer and prepared for a busy day of downloading porno, I noticed that I had received an email from my African brother from another mother, Mr. X.

Mr. X sent me a link to a Bristol-Myers Squibb initiative designed to raise funds to fight AIDS / HIV. You visit this site
https://www.lighttounite.org/ and light a cyber candle. My understanding is for each candle lit, Bristol-Myers Squibb will donate $1 to AIDS organizations in the U.S.

So click the link. Light a fucking candle and remember, the sooner we find a cure for AIDS, the sooner we can resume having unprotected sex with multiple partners.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

a bit of part II of whaterver the fuck it was I was writing about

Hey. I just got home about 30 minutes ago and am on the verge of falling asleep for probably the majority of the day. Sterg called at about 2am and asked me to pick him and his girlfriend up from the airport. They went to Mexico for the week for a wedding. After we dropped off his girlfriend at home Sterg told me how this one bartender he befriended in Mexico gave him the ingredients and recipe to make something called Liquid Viagra. "It works on both guys and girls", Sterg kept saying, so it certainly sounds interesting. Although I hope the "works on the girl" part does not include her growing a 6 inch penis. I'll probably write about the Liquid Viagra cuz, like I said, it sounds pretty interesting. Ingredients include a whole bunch of shit you're not supposed to bring over from foreign countries, like tree bark, food products, uncut cocaine...

AAAAhahahahaha, just kidding... there are no food products in the list of ingredients.

Alright, enough of the above. I'm gonna continue with previous account, and just like my love-making, I'm gonna go for as long as until I fall asleep.

Okay. Where the fuck was I? Oh ya. That day was fucking weird cuz as soon as I woke up I had a funny feeling it would be a bad day. Now, I'm not talking about "shit, I just got a $10 parking ticket" type of bad day. I'm talking about "full-out unlubricated ass rape courtesy of Dikembe Motumbo" type of bad day. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, guess what, motherfucker? Patrick Ewing decides to join the party and challenges Dikembe to a "sword" fight.

Time of event: ASAP

Location: 12 inches inside your asshole.

So I'm stuck in the theatre with Patrick (the guy from the previous post, not Ewing) and to make matters worse, Tera spots us and is making her way over. I hadn't shaved in a couple days, I think I was wearing a shirt I had excersized in the day before, my jeans were probably fuckstained from the time the I was watching The Golden Girls and decided to fuck the crack in between my couch cushions. Basically, what I'm trying to say is I was really in no condition or mood to spend an evening with the fairer sex - especially Tera. You really had no idea where the evening would end up when you rolled with her. You just held on as tight as you could and hoped not to find yourself lost and O.D'ing in a ditch somewhere a few minutes outside of hell.

"Hi Sterg. Hi Mally", Tera greeted and hugged the guys. "Whats going on Hootch", she added giving me the once over and not hiding the look of distaste on her face. Bitch, I thought, last time I saw you I had my dick balls deep in your mouth. How are you gonna play me off like that, now". Anyway, I kept quiet.

Tera looked pretty good tho. I normally dont dig the "super tight jean and t-shirt so snug your diamond cutter nipples are threatening to rip through the fabric" type look. But Tera was pulling it off.