Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Afterhours in the store

Alright. So Georgey was in the bathroom firing off a frothy one to the pictorial of Meagan Fox in this month's Maxim magazine, Davey-boy was busy dropping his balls on the mouthpiece of the cosmeticians' telephone and I, having done both already, was thinking about all the different ways the new Conservative's tax was gonna fuck up my Income Trust investments. The store was closed, so it was a good place to think... or to jack yourself a soda, or to booby trap telephones.

I find myself "working" alot more than I had originally intended. It appears as though some fulltime motherfucker had a crate of homo milk fall on his head. Work asked me to pick up some of the extra hours and, reluctantly, I agreed.

Work(on the phone): Hootch, did I wake you?

Hootch: Yeah. I was in the middle of my favorite dream where me and Dana Perino run away and become Menonites.

Work: Oh. Sorry 'bout that.

Hootch. It was just getting to the best part, too. The part where she uses my dick to churn the butter, then she cleans me off by..

Work: (interrupting): Okay, okay I get the picture. Listen, we've had an accident here and we need you to pick up some extra hours.

Hootch: Like how many extra hours?

Work: Like, 40 hours a week. We want you to work a fulltime regular shift. You know, like most grown men do.

Hootch: Dude, you're gonna, like, totally fuck up my daytrading.

Work: What daytrading? You just told me you were in the middle of a dream where US Press Secretary blows you.

Hootch: Hey, its what I do to prepare, okay. It helps take the edge off.

Anyway, in the end I agreed to pick up a few more hours in the evening. Its not as bad as I thought it'd be. I initially thought the fact that I have a University degree would fuck with my ego. I didn't thinkI'd be able to deal with working every day (even if it is only 4 to 5 hours a shift) making $9 an hour. Yeah, I have a university degree. Masters in basketweaving, motherfuckers. Almost as useless as a degree in philosophy.

Alright, lastly a review of my stock picks from last week:

(1) Potash. bought last week at 164.50; trading now at 173.24.
(2) Teck Comminco. Bought last week at 33.90; now trading at $35.00
(3) Pengrowth Energy Trust. Bought last week at 16.25; now trading at 17.26
(4) BCE. bought last week at 33.75; now trading at 37.10
(5) Yellow Pages Income Trust. bought last week at 9.00; now trading at 9.70

I'm going to add two more to the list.

Fording Coal Income Trust. I actually bought this last thursday, at a lower price but we'll say I picked it up today. Its trading now at $79. Its been bought out by Teck Comminco for $82 a share plus 0.245 a Teck Comminco share for every fording share you have. Because of the mess with the US banks there are now questions if the financing is actually in place to complete the deal. I say it is. If the deal goes through, Fording shares will be worth between 88-92 a share in less than a month.

Agrium at 81.50. Just a badass company that's scheduled to make more than $10 a share next year. It could go lower but over the long term there is very little doubt this bitch is going higher.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

back... and flatout broke

Whats up, motherfuckers? I'm still alive, although probably not disease-free any more given the fact I've been pounding Maryanne's vag, again, on a semi-frequent basis. Still refusing to find a real job as well, despite any previous lukewarm success in daytrading spiraling into daily unlubricated ass-rapes from the market's monster cock. To combat the loss of thousands of dollars a day, from my bank account, I've increased the number of hours I work at Sterg's pharmacy from 10 hours a week to 15 hours. Couple this with my recent raise from $8.50 to $9.00 an hour and I'm sure you can easily see I'm the picture of financial stability.

Now, I know alot of you are thinking "Hootch, but you're so fucking smart and your balls taste like Certs breath mints, how can you be doing so poorly in the stock market?!? I dont believe you. I bet you are doing fucking awesome!!"

Ok. Fine. So to prove I am just as good as losing money as that fag, Kramer, is I will update my blog with my recent stock plays and reasons for buying. Ready?

Potash Corp (tsx). Purchased again today at $164.50. Next year's earnings are going to be in the neighbourhood of $20 per share giving POT a p/e ratio of about 8. Good enough for me. $155 is my stop/loss.

Teck Comminco (tsx). Purchased today at $33.90. Really fucking inexpensive given this year's earnings and an even better buy using next year's estimates. Can the stock go lower? Sure, but the upside is huge if the markets ever turn around. Stop/Loss at $33.

Pengrowth Energy Trust (tsx). Purchased yesterday at $16.25. As long as oil doesn't nosedive much further I have no plans on selling this bitch. Paying me a dividend of 16.5% in monthly installments is incentive enough for me to hold.

Yellow Pages Income Trust (tsx) Purchased today at $9.00. Boring. Wont hit a home run with this one but paying me a 13% dividend in monthly payments. Company plans on keeping its high yield even after the cocksucking Conservative party forces them to change from a Trust to a Corporation. Wont sell unless fundamentals change.

BCE (tsx) purchased today at $33.75. BCE was boughtout a few years ago by a consortium lead by the Ontario Teachers Pension Plan for $42.75 a share. The closing of the deal has been delayed by legal arguments presented by bondholders (all fags). These legal arguments have been dismissed by the Supreme Court of Canada. However, now the shareprice is dropping because there is apparent uncertainty over the ability to obtain financing for the deal. I think the money is already in place and its just a matter of time before this bitch hits the takeout price. Will hold unless the deal falls apart. Reward far outweighs the risk, in my opinion.

talk to you later, alligators.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

May 31, 2008

Honestly, how hot is Dana Perino. May be the best looking chick over 60, and the hottest republican with a vagina next to Tucker Carlson.

I just finished watching about 72 consecutive hours of trash MTV "reality" television (love it) and I keep asking myself the question "who the fuck is Tila Tequila and why is she famous". I mean, apart from the obvious - having the smallest chin and biggest forehead combo in the world. I guess another question I have is where does MTV find the retards to be on her show?

Fuck, I'm hooked big on The Real World, Hollywood. Its sooo funny how MTV picked the fucking alcoholic juicebag to be one of the roommates. You cant tell me the execs of the show were thinking "okay, lets select the guy on steroids with the drinking problem to be on the show. If we're lucky, he may fly off the handle on an epic roid rage. If we are really lucky he may kill someone on camera..."

Heartless bastards. Yet I still watch.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

friday night lights and my retirement plan

GXS now at $6.85. Touched $8.00 a few days ago. I sold everything I had left at 6.90. Bought me at least another few months of watching Star Trek re-runs in my underwear and downloading porno in stead of looking for a real job. Sweet.

Bought Season 2 of Friday Night Lights. Awesome. Every single relationship between characters in that show is interesting. The show has made my cry on more than a few occasions between the two seasons. Its hilarious.

Hootch: I bought Friday Night Lights

Sister: The movie?

Hootch: No. The show.

Sister: There is a show?

Hootch: Yeah. Its awesome. Its actually made me tear up a few times.

Sister: What, the show? How come? Did someone die or something. Is there a lot of tragedy? Cuz I cant handle that shit either.

Hootch: No. No one dies.

Sister: What were you crying for then.

Hootch: Well, in one episode, Landry catches this game winning touchdown and I just couldn't hold back the emotion.

Sister: (staring in disbelief) You are a loser.

Hootch: No, like you dont understand. There was, like, 3 seconds on the clock. It was the last play of the game. It spoke to my collective unconscious - man triumphing against all odds

Actually, Landry didn't catch the ball but thats besides the point. The show is awesome and the chicks are hot.

Bought Timminco shares a few days ago, again. I mentioned this stock previously when in was in its teens a few months back. I bought the shares at 21.18. Yesterday it closed at 24.90. The stock is volatile as a motherfucker. There are alot of people in the investment community who have bet that the company's claims of low capital costs and multi-year contract are all lies. Several weeks ago Timminco hired a 3rd party to run a review of its operations and product. Yesterday that 3rd party presented their findings in an hour long press conference. They said Timminco, even with minimal effort, with the existing ramp up in their business can expect to earn upwards of one billion dollars in operating profit in 2010. Cha-ching. I expect the stock to still act volatile as those who "bet" (or shorted) against the stock continue with their campaign of disinformation but Ive decided to make Timminco my retirement fund.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

basketball diaries

Last night I ventured out of my hole and visited the "Y". I planned to spend a quiet evening shooting a few baskets. Maybe afterward if I had time I would hit the crosstraining machine. That was the plan, anyway.

I stepped in the Y. It was fucking jammed. The locker room was ridiculous. We were like sardines in there. Making matters worse was the fact that every second guy was naked. I felt like I just stepped onto the set of a gay porno. I began to feel a little anxious. "Ok", I thought "should I just do what you're supposed to do when you get thrown in prison for the first time? Should I knock the fuck out of some unsuspecting stranger as fair warning for all not to violate my personal space? Maybe I'll throw in a solid ass rape for good measure".

Thankfully though I I found an empty locker, changed clothes and got the fuck out of dodge before I had to lay the wood on some fuck who doesn't know any better than to come within a 2 ft radius of me when not wearing underwear. Its not like I'm homophobic or anything. Its just that if any part of your dick touches me, guy-code stipulates that I must beat the shit out of you then fuck your girlfriend and/or any female member of your family. I'm not homophobic, at all. Some of my best friends suck wang.

The basketball courts were crowded. All the courts had games going on them. I wouldn't be able to shoot/practice by myself on a court, like I wanted. The only way I could play was if I teamed up with two other guys and challenged the winning team on one of the courts. I didn't know anyone in the gym and it looked like everyone else had their 3s. Shit. Just as I thought about heading back home I was approached by 3 Chinese dudes. Collectively they may have weighed about as much as a chopstick.

Chinese1: (spoken with an accent) Are you looking for a team?

Hootch: Yeah.

Chinese1: Do you wanna play with us?

Hootch: Uhhh, ok. Dont you already have 3 though?

Chinese1: Not anymore. Vincent broke his glasses during the last game.

Hootch: That sucks. How did he break them?

Chinese1: That guy (pointing to one of the players on the court) hit him with an elbow in the eye.

Hootch: Ah. If we play that guy again we'll kill his team.

Chinese1: You think so?

Hootch: Ahh, hell yeah. All we have to do is play defense and communicate between the three of us at all times. Vincent can help by being, like, our coach.

Chinese1: Very good.

Hootch: We'll do good. By the way, I'm Hootch.

Chinese1: Oh, hello. I am Charles and our third is Matthew.

Hootch: Hey guys, nice to meet you.

Chinese1: Oh, one thing, Hootch.

Hootch: Whats that, brother.

Chinese1: Vincent and Matthew dont speak any english.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

May 6, 2008 (afternoon ramblings)

I booked the rest of this week off from work. I was only scheduled to go in 3 days from 5 to 10 but I asked the Malbomber if he wanted to take my shifts. Mally recently bought a condo and he somehow thinks making $9 an hour 3 days a week is gonna help him cover his mortgage. He has a real job that pays pretty well but I guess the extra work at the pharmacy eases his mind a little and keeps him out of trouble.

With the weather warming up the girls at the store, workers and customers, are looking prettier and prettier. Ever since university, spring has always been my favorite time of year. Spring because its when all the girls begin to shed their winter clothing and you see skin again for the first time in months. Multi-layered halter tops or spaghetti straps turns just about any female into my fantasy woman. A few weeks ago I saw CameronDiazLookaLikeButWithaLargerHead take off her work shirt at the end of her shift. It was just me and her in the lunch room and she pulled off her shirt revealing a LuLu Lemon spaphetti strap thingy. I almost blasted a whole right there in my underwear.

"You want me to leave?" I asked

"No, its alright". She answered.

Totally awesome, I thought. Please let her take off her pants and underwear next.

There are alot of fucking hot girls that come in the store. I mean, it doesn't do me any good cuz I really doubt any chick is gonna see me and say "wow. That 34 year old man making $9 an hour is totally hot". Its funny cuz whenever I'm engaged in a conversation with any customer I always make it a priority to point out that working at the pharmacy is not my real job.

Female Customer: Do you have any astroglide cuz I'm such a nympho I just about fuck every guy that has a real job

Hootch: Ahhh, I'm not certain. I'm pretty sure we do but let me double check. I'm only here two days a week. This is not my real job, you know.

Female Customer: Oh, its not. Where else do you work.

Hootch: Well, technically I dont work anywhere else.

Female Customer: Oh, so you're unemployed?

Hootch: Oh, no. I day-trade.

Female Customer: Cool (already unzipping my pants) . You mean like with Morgan Stanley or somethinig.

Hootch: No, ahhh...actually in my basement. I just day trade by myself through my discount broker account.

Female Customer: Ohhhhhh, (sounding disappointed and zipping my pants back up). Can you hurry up with the astro-glide please. I think the crazy guy on the corner who dances for spare change makes more money than you and I'm totally gonna sit on his face.

May 6, 2008

Just saw the most wicked Veronica Mars episode. It was the one where she was totally 69ing this fat hairy greek guy... oh... hold on a second... that wasn't an actual episode... I think that was just a dream I had last night.

Started reading "Journey to the End of the Night" a few days ago. So far, pretty awesome.

GXS up to 4.55 yesterday before it was halted. The company issued a press release, at 3:15, detailing the quality of the coal they hit. Sounds good to me but I'm not a geologist. Maybe the apparent excitement in the news release was all spin. Either way another company that applied for a permit right beside GXS' land started moving as soon as the GXS news was out. I guess the speculation there is that hopefully the body of coal extends over into SMI's land as well. I got in SMI at 41 cents. Today will either be a really big payday or I probably go broke once GXS resumes trading and SMI takes its cue.

Ha! I guess as should have been expected both GXS and SMI did the exact opposite of what I anticipated. They neither skyrocketed or dropped to their knees faster than Veronica Mars looking for clues in my underwear. They're basically flat so far for the day. I'll probably sell most of these holdings and only keep a small position as basically a lottery ticket. GXS the past 2 weeks was a sweet trade though.

This morning I watched the House of Flying Daggers with the commentary on. Pretty cool. The director, Yimou Zhang, basically said he had the lead male eating peanuts in the first three scenes of the movie because he was concerned that North American audiences wouldn't be able able to identify him, at first, from the other Asian faces. I thought that was hilarious. Then Ziyi Zhang, the female lead, admitted having difficulty differentiating between North American faces in movies. She normally focuses on one facial feature to distinguish between people "like the bridge of their nose" she said. Bridge of their nose?! Man, if she ever runs into me, the feature I hope she focuses on is the bulge in my pants.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

April 30, 2008

Went to work yesterday. Shift was from 5pm to 9pm but I arrived 30 minutes late. Pretty much fucked the dog as shit was slow. Came home. Watched as the Spurs discarded the Suns with robot-like efficiency.

Woke up this morning. Finally showered. Popped in the chicken nuggets I bought yesterday from the pharmacy. DAMN, SON!! They were good.

Ran on the treadmill and watched the retards on CNN debate over the content of Jeremiah Wright's recent public speaking appearances. Pretty divisive, I think. I also think here's an old man trying to milk his 15 minutes. Seems to me he's not pulling any punches trying to mark his place in history right beside Malcom X and MLK. I wonder how he'd like it if a white preacher went on television and gave his impersonation of a black man practising his faith. When Wright gave his impresssion of a white marching band yesterday I thought "ok, this guy has completely lost it".

GXS is up to 3.30. Up from the 2.40 I bought 2 days ago and from the 1.30 I bought on Friday.

Kung Fu movie time.