Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Afterhours in the store

Alright. So Georgey was in the bathroom firing off a frothy one to the pictorial of Meagan Fox in this month's Maxim magazine, Davey-boy was busy dropping his balls on the mouthpiece of the cosmeticians' telephone and I, having done both already, was thinking about all the different ways the new Conservative's tax was gonna fuck up my Income Trust investments. The store was closed, so it was a good place to think... or to jack yourself a soda, or to booby trap telephones.

I find myself "working" alot more than I had originally intended. It appears as though some fulltime motherfucker had a crate of homo milk fall on his head. Work asked me to pick up some of the extra hours and, reluctantly, I agreed.

Work(on the phone): Hootch, did I wake you?

Hootch: Yeah. I was in the middle of my favorite dream where me and Dana Perino run away and become Menonites.

Work: Oh. Sorry 'bout that.

Hootch. It was just getting to the best part, too. The part where she uses my dick to churn the butter, then she cleans me off by..

Work: (interrupting): Okay, okay I get the picture. Listen, we've had an accident here and we need you to pick up some extra hours.

Hootch: Like how many extra hours?

Work: Like, 40 hours a week. We want you to work a fulltime regular shift. You know, like most grown men do.

Hootch: Dude, you're gonna, like, totally fuck up my daytrading.

Work: What daytrading? You just told me you were in the middle of a dream where US Press Secretary blows you.

Hootch: Hey, its what I do to prepare, okay. It helps take the edge off.

Anyway, in the end I agreed to pick up a few more hours in the evening. Its not as bad as I thought it'd be. I initially thought the fact that I have a University degree would fuck with my ego. I didn't thinkI'd be able to deal with working every day (even if it is only 4 to 5 hours a shift) making $9 an hour. Yeah, I have a university degree. Masters in basketweaving, motherfuckers. Almost as useless as a degree in philosophy.

Alright, lastly a review of my stock picks from last week:

(1) Potash. bought last week at 164.50; trading now at 173.24.
(2) Teck Comminco. Bought last week at 33.90; now trading at $35.00
(3) Pengrowth Energy Trust. Bought last week at 16.25; now trading at 17.26
(4) BCE. bought last week at 33.75; now trading at 37.10
(5) Yellow Pages Income Trust. bought last week at 9.00; now trading at 9.70

I'm going to add two more to the list.

Fording Coal Income Trust. I actually bought this last thursday, at a lower price but we'll say I picked it up today. Its trading now at $79. Its been bought out by Teck Comminco for $82 a share plus 0.245 a Teck Comminco share for every fording share you have. Because of the mess with the US banks there are now questions if the financing is actually in place to complete the deal. I say it is. If the deal goes through, Fording shares will be worth between 88-92 a share in less than a month.

Agrium at 81.50. Just a badass company that's scheduled to make more than $10 a share next year. It could go lower but over the long term there is very little doubt this bitch is going higher.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

back... and flatout broke

Whats up, motherfuckers? I'm still alive, although probably not disease-free any more given the fact I've been pounding Maryanne's vag, again, on a semi-frequent basis. Still refusing to find a real job as well, despite any previous lukewarm success in daytrading spiraling into daily unlubricated ass-rapes from the market's monster cock. To combat the loss of thousands of dollars a day, from my bank account, I've increased the number of hours I work at Sterg's pharmacy from 10 hours a week to 15 hours. Couple this with my recent raise from $8.50 to $9.00 an hour and I'm sure you can easily see I'm the picture of financial stability.

Now, I know alot of you are thinking "Hootch, but you're so fucking smart and your balls taste like Certs breath mints, how can you be doing so poorly in the stock market?!? I dont believe you. I bet you are doing fucking awesome!!"

Ok. Fine. So to prove I am just as good as losing money as that fag, Kramer, is I will update my blog with my recent stock plays and reasons for buying. Ready?

Potash Corp (tsx). Purchased again today at $164.50. Next year's earnings are going to be in the neighbourhood of $20 per share giving POT a p/e ratio of about 8. Good enough for me. $155 is my stop/loss.

Teck Comminco (tsx). Purchased today at $33.90. Really fucking inexpensive given this year's earnings and an even better buy using next year's estimates. Can the stock go lower? Sure, but the upside is huge if the markets ever turn around. Stop/Loss at $33.

Pengrowth Energy Trust (tsx). Purchased yesterday at $16.25. As long as oil doesn't nosedive much further I have no plans on selling this bitch. Paying me a dividend of 16.5% in monthly installments is incentive enough for me to hold.

Yellow Pages Income Trust (tsx) Purchased today at $9.00. Boring. Wont hit a home run with this one but paying me a 13% dividend in monthly payments. Company plans on keeping its high yield even after the cocksucking Conservative party forces them to change from a Trust to a Corporation. Wont sell unless fundamentals change.

BCE (tsx) purchased today at $33.75. BCE was boughtout a few years ago by a consortium lead by the Ontario Teachers Pension Plan for $42.75 a share. The closing of the deal has been delayed by legal arguments presented by bondholders (all fags). These legal arguments have been dismissed by the Supreme Court of Canada. However, now the shareprice is dropping because there is apparent uncertainty over the ability to obtain financing for the deal. I think the money is already in place and its just a matter of time before this bitch hits the takeout price. Will hold unless the deal falls apart. Reward far outweighs the risk, in my opinion.

talk to you later, alligators.