Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Chicks I would throw it to

Chick I would throw it to: Ashlee Simpson

Now, before you all start yelling "ASHLEE SIMPSON!?! Ah Hootch, she's a nasty skank and an emotional cripple who is obviously trying to fill a spiritual void in her life by engaging in drunken debauchery and meaningless sex", I have one thing to say to you - exactly.

I dunno. I just dig Ashlee Simpson. I even like the way she dances in her videos. Sure, her music is kinda shitty but the girl has got spunk, no?

Anyway, Ashlee Simpson was spotted in a downtown Toronto McDonalds a few months ago. She was reportedly stinkin' drunk. She started climbing on top of the counters and yelling obscenities until she was escorted off of the premises. I wish I was there. I wish I was there because then I coulda made my play. I would have approached Ashlee Simpson and said "hey Ashlee, do you want to play this game with me? Its called - guess what my nuts taste like.

Then she would say "That sounds like fun. How do you play?"

"Well, its really quite simple. You just suck on my nuts until you can figure out what each 'nad tastes like".

From there, I see the events unfolding in either one of two ways. One - Ashlee looks at me and asks her entourage "Who the fuck is this fag?" or two - she says "MMMmm, thats sounds like lots of fun. I played another similar game with my boyfriend, its called - lets pretend Wilmer Valderrama's dick isn't the smallest thing I've had in my mouth since that tic-tac this morning".

Either way it goes down I'm alright.


kattbanjo said...

hooch, you're just trying to make up for admitting you drink ZIMA, you big girl!

Melissa said...

One tastes like Coke, one tastes like Pepsi and the third one would taste like sweat and piss except dingle berries don't count.

Elaine said...

Let me regain my composure as I am dying of laughter from Melissa's comment up there ^^^..

ok.. I'm okay now.

Where was I?

Oh sure it would be fun for Asslee to play teabag taste tester with your love sacs, but would the burning and itchy sores she leaves behind on your ballboys really be worth it?

(yeah, I see you nodding your head you sick bastard..)

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Katt - I'm committed, thru the magic of marketing, to make Zima a pursuit for only the manliest of men.

melissa - HEY, how did you guess!?!? Have we played this game before?:)

elaine - hey, some things are worth a little blood, sweat and sores

Melissa said...

A lady never sucks and tells.

Freak Magnet said...

I must say, Ashlee's looking much better post-nose job. I almost can't blame you.

Butchieboy said...

I would do her, but only because I respect her as an artist.