Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I Hate Weddings - Part II; Plus Some Unrelated Shit

To recap the incredibly deep and complex happenings of Part I: I went to a wedding. There was this girl there with magnificent tits.

Part II

Early on in the evening I decided to get fucking loaded. On one of my trips to the bar, I found myself standing in line beside her.

"This is a good song to drink to", I heard her say beside me.
"Yeah", I kinda mumbled not knowing if she was talking to me or the million other guys in line.
"I'm Kim", she said and thrust her open hand in front of my own.
"Hi Kim. I'm Hootch", I said as I shook her hand.
"Hi Hootch".

So, now is the part of the conversation where, if I was cool, I'd know exactly what to say to make this chick dig me something serious. But I'm not, so I didn't. Anyway, just then the DJ started playing "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado. Kim, the girl with the tits, shrieked gleefully and started dancing and singing with the song, just enough for me to notice. I turned around and caught a glimpse of the expression she was throwing as she was singing and dancing. She looked super-hot, cool and trampy. It was then I knew I wanted to bend her over the dessert and sweets table.

As she continued to enjoy the DJ's musical selection, we made our way up to the front of the bar. It was our turn to order.

"Lemme buy you a drink", I said.
"I thought it was an open bar".
"Lemme buy you two then".
"What are you having, Hootch?"
"I dunno. Probably a vodka and 7".
"Ok. I'll have one too".

We grabbed our drinks and started walking together away from the bar.

"Where are you sitting?" she asked
"I dunno. Nowhere fun". I answered.
"Wanna go for a walk?"
"Sure. Lets swing by the dessert and sweets table".

too tired to go on with this account for now. I'll continue tomorrow or the next day, maybe. But to keep you further bored and perplexed as to why you visit my blog, I will now present you with some unrelated shit:

unrelated shit item #1: Eating vast amounts of Lucky Charms over the past two days has turned my shit bright green. Either that or I'm turning into the Incredible Hulk from the inside - out.

unrelated shit item #2: I think someone at work today spiked the raisin buns with a type of laxative. After two of those suckers I had to run like fuckin Carl Lewis to reach the shitter in time. Thirty minutes after doing my "business", Jawad comes from the same bathroom and says " yo, someone just left a green turd in the toilet".


And with these charming thoughts, I bid you adieu, for now.


kattbanjo said...

the colored goldfish crackers do the same thing except you get a rainbow effect

Melissa said...

I always had a thing for the Incredible Hulk (not the comic book version, but the television one), mostly because the guy that played him on tv was the dad in The Courtship of Eddie's Father.

Purple hears and blue diamonds... does that process like corn?

Me said...

And that, my dear, is why I hardly ever eat something that someone brings in at work.

Well, either that, or I'm really paranoid!

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

katt - a rainbow effect?!? Wow sounds like fun for the whole family!!

melissa - purple hearts and blue diamonds? I dunno. I'll try some tonight and wash it down with some metamusil. I'll have your answer by the morning.

me - I had two more raisin buns today.

A. said...

I can't wait to know what happened... maybe you were brave enough and took her under the dessert table... miam miam chocolate fountain tits, happiness !!!!!

And talking about shit, I was in China town today I bought dinner there: 4 items on rice or noodles for 3.50 bucks...u heard me $3.50... SO my dinner tonight is rotten Noodles with rotten fried chicken leg, rotten spicy chicken, rotten octopus and rotten brocolis... so I seriously wonder how my shit is gonna look like tomorrow :)

A. said...

somebody calls 911 I am having a heat attack !!!!!! bip bip bip bip biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip

Elaine said...

Hmm. I gorged on Lucky Charms when I was preggers and mine came out kind of purplee blue.. like I had eaten a smurf or something. It made for some trippy flushing....

can't wait to hear more about big boobs..

Freak Magnet said...

Hootch, I love how you put everything so eloquently.

Melissa said...

Poor A. Someone give him mouth to mouth.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

a - QUICK!! to avoid the heart attack, avert your eyes from Melissa's pic. AVERT YOUR EYES FROM THE BREASTS, MAN!! DO IT NOW!!!

Elaine - it sounds so ghetto, but I think cereal might be my favorite food.

Freak Magnet - Hey, I'm all about being eloquent, sophisticated n' shit.

Melissa - Courtship of Eddie's Father, worth renting?

Melissa said...

It wasn't a movie, it was a tv show back in the 70s. Ok, that's not totally true. It actually was a movie ( but it isn't the movie that I remember.

The tv show rocked, but I can't seem to find it at amazon, maybe it never went to video.

And A wasn't stroking out over the tits, it's all that rotten chinese food.