I have this great Tunisian, cool-cat, hipster friend. We work in the same office together. He came to Canada a little more than a year ago on a work Visa. Next Friday however he is leaving to go back home, overseas. I'm thinking about giving a little speach on his last day at work to let him know how much he will be missed. It'll probably go something like this:
"Everyone, as you all know, today is X's last day here at Shithole Co. And I thought I'd commemorate the moment by getting two whores for the afternoon to accompany X wherever he goes and to fellate him under his desk as he's working on his computer. Whores, would you come in please? (whores come in waving hello to everyone). Everone these are the whores, whores this is everone".
"What are the whores' names?" some overanxious soul might call out.
As an unflappable MC, I would address the question without skipping a beat - "okay, well, this one is Jessica and that one is Kathy...or is this one Kathy and that one Jessica??? Either way, they both suck a mean head so I think its only wise to get the paramedics on standby in case the whores drain X of all his bodily fluids. Does anyone have a spare bottle of gatorade, by chance?"
"In closing, X, you should know you are very special to us. You're much more than a co-worker, more than even a friend...you are family, brother, and we all love you. I hope you enjoy the whores".