Thursday, June 15, 2006

farewell to a good friend

I have this great Tunisian, cool-cat, hipster friend. We work in the same office together. He came to Canada a little more than a year ago on a work Visa. Next Friday however he is leaving to go back home, overseas. I'm thinking about giving a little speach on his last day at work to let him know how much he will be missed. It'll probably go something like this:

"Everyone, as you all know, today is X's last day here at Shithole Co. And I thought I'd commemorate the moment by getting two whores for the afternoon to accompany X wherever he goes and to fellate him under his desk as he's working on his computer. Whores, would you come in please? (whores come in waving hello to everyone). Everone these are the whores, whores this is everone".

"What are the whores' names?" some overanxious soul might call out.

As an unflappable MC, I would address the question without skipping a beat - "okay, well, this one is Jessica and that one is Kathy...or is this one Kathy and that one Jessica??? Either way, they both suck a mean head so I think its only wise to get the paramedics on standby in case the whores drain X of all his bodily fluids. Does anyone have a spare bottle of gatorade, by chance?"

"In closing, X, you should know you are very special to us. You're much more than a co-worker, more than even a friend...you are family, brother, and we all love you. I hope you enjoy the whores".

8 comments:

Melissa said...

Nothing but high class all the way... you are truly an inspiration, you call others to greatness.

Me said...

That's it...next time I have a party or a get together, you are planning it for me!

Elaine said...

You're such a great co-worker, friend and hell.. a GENIUS events planner.

X. said...

Here is the X man... thanks a lot for the speech Bro, I wish you could do that on my last day... the whores will be grateful to you ;) but hey don't bring me C or G or T in his drag queen outfit singing I will surviiiiiiive after having sniffed some with H in the bathroom...

I had a great time in T.O, thanks for your support and friendship, you were always there and I am grateful for that...

I hope I'll get to hang out with you again someday dude... You're always welcome to the star wars land.

snif snif... euuuuhhhh it should be ok !!!

Freak Magnet said...

Can you plan my bachelorette party? And instead of regular whores, can I have man-whores? Heaven knows where you'd find any of THOSE.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Thanks for the comments, everyone.

I just wanted to let you know if X does change his mind and stay in Canada, I would be more than willing to pimp him out to you. It would be the first stage in my new business venture - male illegal immigrant exotic dancers.

X. said...

hahaaha... and you won't regret it... girls ;)

that's why my name is X.

kattbanjo said...

i guess ive been out of the work force too long! I don''t remember those kinds of farewell parties