Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Conversations with a Cootch, Part III and IV

Fuck. I fucking jinxed myself with the "things are going good" line of a few posts back. Right after that post my computer fucking crashed. So, now I'm at my mom's house trying to hammer out a new post with her hovering over my shoulder saying shit like "why do you swear so much", "whats cootch mean?" "why didn't you invite your cousins to the barbeque".

Shoot me now. Anyway, I'm gonna try and finish this as fast as I can so I can get the fuck outta Dodge.


Part III: Scene: in the kitchen, chilling.

Hootch: Tell me about your boyfriend.
Tera: Mmmm. This drink is really strong.
H: You dont have to drink that. I can make you another one if you want.
T: No. Its good.
H: Tell me when the rufi starts kicking in.
T: Hardi-fuckin-har, mister. So, what do you want to know about my boyfriend?
H: What does he do?
T: He's a biker.
H: What does that mean?
T: It means he's a biker - a member of a motorcycle gang.
H: Pshhht! Bikers are fags.
T: Ya, okay.
H: What does he do for a living?
T: That. He makes a living being part of a motorcycle gang.
H: Thats not a real job, is it? How much money can you make doing that?!
T: I dont think you really wanna know.
H: Yeah, I wanna know. I asked, didn't I?
T: I think you're jealous.
H: WHA?!? Jealous?! Of what?
T: You. Are. Jealous.
H: Pshht! I'm not jealous of no leather chaps wearing...moustache faced...
T: Lets not talk about it anymore, okay. What did you do today?
H: I did what all the REAL hardcore gangsters in Toronto did.
T: Whats that?
H: I watched Felicity, BEEEOTCH!!
T: I cant believe I thought I liked you.
H: Dont make me show you my pimp hand, beeeotch.
T: You're not funny. And stop saying "beeotch". You sound like an idiot
H: I think I'm drunk.
T: No shit. Here, pour me another drink, lightweight.

Part IV; later on in the evening. pretty wasted. sitting in the backyard watching the sky.

Tera: You know where I always wanted to go?
Hootch: Where?
T: Bangkok.
H: Yeah. Why Bangkok?
T: Cuz I like the way it sounds.
H: You know where I always wanted to go?
T: Where?
H: Uranus. Because its outta this world. WAHAHAHA.
T: Lets have another drink.
H: You know where else I've always wanted to go?
T: No. Where?
H: Nebraska.
T: Why Nebraska?
H: I dont know what I'm saying anymore.

4 comments:

Melissa said...

Boy, you got some mad skillz going on over there.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

melissa - tell me about it. Normally, the girlies cant resist the charm of the "rufi" line - instant panty remover.

I think I have indulged myself way too long recounting these conversations. Probably time to go back to my regular entries - making fun of people who make more money than me.

Me said...

Now, I thought the Uranus line would be the deal maker. LOL.

Is your mom still reading over your shoulder? If so..Hi, Mom!

Elaine said...

"I don't wanna wait for blah blah to be over...."

Next time just ask her,

"Is your name Chew?"

and she'd be like, no, why?

"Because Chew are FWINE!"

Spoken with a drunken slur and she will be putty in your hands. Come on.. that was good. Better than Uranus.....