Sunday, May 28, 2006

The Barbeque Part One: Conversations With A Cootch


Shit. Things have really been going my way the past 2 weeks. It seems that I’m catching every break - those that I’ve worked hard for and deserve, and others I haven’t worked for at all. It seems everything is just falling into place for me. Its kinda making me nervous. I get the feeling fate is gonna turn the tables soon. Anyway, my apparent good luck continued Friday night when Tera called regarding the barbeque.

Cast of Characters:
(1) Tera - super fun stripper; hates Marianne
(2) Marianne - stripper; dumb as a brick, but as long as she’s naked she is a goddess; hates Tera
(3) Me - Douchebag Extraordinaire

T: Hiya, Hootch. Its Tera.
H: Hey, Tera. Whats going on? You at work now?
T: Yeah. Its fucking dead. Do you think you could give me a lift home.
H: When, now?!
T: Yeah.
H: Ahhhh. What happened to they guy who normally drives you home?
T: (Silence for roughly 5 seconds) Listen, I’m not gonna shit you. That guy is my boyfriend but me and you should do something.
H: Yeah?
T: Yeah.
H: Like what?
T: I dunno...Like spend the day tomorrow.
H: Tomorrow I’m having a barbeque. You wanna come?
T: Ha!! I knew you were having a barbeque, you fucker! Why do you think I called?
H: I thought you needed a lift home?
T: No. God, you’re so dense!! I wanted you to invite me to your party.
H: Ohh. So you don’t need a ride home? I...I feel so manipulated, haha.
T: Whatever.
H: So, what else is going o...
T: Gawd, Marianne is being so annoying. She’s telling everyone she’s not coming to work tomorrow because you invited her to your party.
H: I never told her about it.
T: You didn’t?
H: No. She can come if she wants but I didn’t call her. I thought she was mad at me.
T: Yeah, I heard about that. What happened?
H: I dunno. Fuck. Last time we were supposed to go out she wanted to go to bingo but I wanted to watch a movie instead.
T: Marianne goes to Bingo?! She’s such a loser.
H: Anyway, her cousin won, like, $1000 that night so Marianne was pissed that we didn’t go.
T: You know, when you guys go out, she tells everyone at work all about it.
H: What does she say?
T: Everything. She thinks that she owns you. She’s such a bitch. Lets not talk about her anymore. What are you doing tonight?
H: Nothing. I’m just downloading some songs now.
T: Are you still listening to Courtney Love?
H: A little.
T: Yellllcchhhhggg!! I hate Courtney Love.
H: How can you hate her? You two are exactly the same, only she has a better handle on her drug problem than you do.
T: Fuck you. I’m hanging up.
H: Wait, wait, wait, are you still coming tomorrow.
T: Yeah, but we’re not sleeping together.
H: Whatever.

4 comments:

Melissa said...

A grown man felt manipulated by a stripper. I'll alert the media.

Freak Magnet said...

Bingo is teh cool.

kattbanjo said...

You spelled douche wrong on your profile, Hooch! TeeHeee.:)

Me said...

For some reason, I think the dude in the picture looks like the guy who played John Boy Walton.

I always thought he was missing his penis...thanks for confirming it. ;) LOL.