This is the best post ever written in the history of blogging. For real. It is. What makes it the best post ever written is the fact that I’m writing it. You see, motherfuckers, I am the best at whatever I do. Everything I do is the best. If I was to take a steaming pile of shit on top of my computer, that would be the best steaming pile of shit in the world. No one would be able to match it. So don’t even try.
If there was a Best Male Homosexual Lover Contest I would win that too. Even tho I’m not homo. Like I said before (another blog), I am a raging heterosexual!! RAGING, I TELL YOU...but I would still win that contest. I would do things in the Best Homosexual Lover Contest that would never have been done before in the history of dude on dude sex.
The PA announcer for the contest would say "Next up, we have IDigHootchandCootch and his Homosexual Lover Contest Partner - KIM JONG IL. Take centre stage please gentlemen and commence butt-love when ready".
Knowing that Kim Jong would be a tough nut to crack, I’d bust out the "A" material right off the bat. I would have Kim Jong on the verge of passing out within the first 15 seconds...20 tops. He’d be struggling to maintain consciousness as I pleasured him into a near comatose state. He would say things like: "goodness, I never knew you could do that with your 10 fingers, 2 gerbils a bowling pin and my anus. You're quite talented, Mr IDigHootchandCootch".
"Call me Papi (Spanish), you sick fuck". I’d say as I unleashed the gerbils.
Anyway, long story short, I’d win that competition then proceed to kick Kim Jong in the face (perhaps repeatedly). No, not because I engaged in homosexual acts with him and I wanted to reassert my raging heterosexuality. I’d kick Kim Jong in the face because he’s kind of a douche.
PS. I'm the best.