Thursday, May 25, 2006

If I had to fuck a guy...I mean had to, if my life depended on it. I’d fuck who outta these three guys?

okay. This post is inspired from the opening lines of True Romance.

Scene: Clarence Worley, sitting at a bar beside a hooker, half-whispers "I’ve always said, if I had to fuck a guy...I mean if I had to, if my life depended on it...I’d fuck Elvis".
Then the hooker looks at him, smiles, nods and agrees "I’d fuck Elvis".
Clarence, thinking he sees an opening, tries to further the conversation by saying "so... ahhh, we’d both fuck Elvis. Its nice to meet people with common interests".

Then the person I’d be watching the movie with would leave because I’d be making an ass of myself, rolling on the floor laughing and yelling "YEEEESSSS, THIS MOVIE IS SO FUCKING COOL".

Anyway... the contestants for "what guy I would fuck, if I had to fuck a guy":

Ross from Friends: One good thing about being forced to make man-love with Ross is that I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t mind being the catcher. In fact, looking at the above photo of him, I’m certain he would demand it. The bad thing (from a heterosexual perspective) is that I’m pretty sure he’d demand we do it over and over again. Another negative Ross would have going against him is that god damn beagle face of his. If I ever caught a glimpse of his mug in the mirror, or if he ever turned around to mouth the words "I love your cock inside my ass", I may think I was boning my neighbour’s dog.

Next up, Shaq: oh lord. Shaque would end up rearranging my insides. I’m pretty certain, despite my best arguments, he’d end up impaling me from the back and you’d see the tip of his knob protruding from out my mouth. On the plus side - there is the very real possibility that I may die of the subsequent internal injuries and I wont have to endure the ridicule my friends would have otherwise let fly in my direction.

Lastly, some anonymous black guy: I have no fucking idea who this guy is but someone should tell him that rocking the James Brown hair-do and the Dave Letterman teeth is not a good combination.

And the winner is... its a tie between Ross and Shaq!!! Boys, get the astro-glide ready I'm/you're going in!!


Anonymous said...

that is not funny at all.

Pity you had to pick on the black gal

kattbanjo said...

I am so glad I am not only one with serious mentai issues! lol

Melissa said...

David Schwimmer has always been a good looking guy, but next to Shaq? Yeah, that long tall drink of water is my ride. And feeling like churned butter is a good thing.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

melissa - some people, in my position, would think I'd be intimidated the common perception that black men are more well-endowed than skinny whiteboys. But not me.

You are right, tho, Shaq is one tall drink of penis...I MEAN WATER...TALL DRINK OF WATER.

Katt - discounting my affinity for inhaling panties, its not so serious

Elaine said...

Dude...Shaq? all I can say is Big log. and ouch.

But yeah, Ross is definately a bottom.

Damn! I have to catch up on your posts this past week. (sorry, head up Madonna's ass and enjoying every minute..)

Butchieboy said...

Ross probably has an actual vagina.