Sunday, May 21, 2006

Who Is More Black??

Alright. This is the first part of, hopefully, what will become an on-going weekly series tentatively titled: Who is More Black?

Today, up for debate we have Richard Simmons, Billy Bob Thorton and Puff Daddy.

Up first, Richard Simmons.

Richard Simmons gets off to a great start by rocking the hardcore 'fro. However, points have to be deducted for what appears to be a sequins tank top and an expression that can only lead me to believe that someone is tickling Mr. Simmons' nuts with a feather duster. Black Factor: Not bad. Better than most people would've expected.

Next up, Billy Bob Thorton:

Right off the bat Mr Thorton gets off to a rocky start on account of his name alone - Billy Bob. However, Mr Thorton finishes strong by rocking a knockoff Michael Jackson Thriller jacket. Thats nice! Black Factor: Pretty good. Bonus points awarded on account of Angelina Jolie saying their sex was so wild she almost died of exhaustion, on a multitude of occasions, when her and Billy Bob were still together. Thats gangtser!

Our final contestant vying for black supremacy is Puff Daddy.

Puff is in tough, here. Points must be deducted immediately for his music. No self respecting black man would make, let alone listen to Diddy's brand of "urban music". I once heard Will Smith say he liked Puffy's music, but like I said - no self respecting black man. Deductions also must be made for wardrobe selection. Unless you are auditioning to become the fucking spokesperson for Burger King, rocking a crown is a no-no. And as for the outfit?? All I can say is, its never a good idea to steal the Pope's garments. Black Factor: Diddy is next scheduled to publically appear at upcoming Klan meetings and monster truck rallies.


Melissa said...

4th of July is fast approaching in the states and in celebration of our independence P. Diddy will be changing his name for the week of festivities to P. Doodle Dandy.

Vote or die indeed.

And just for the record, I'd do Billy Bob, because you know that boy is a freak in the sack.

kattbanjo said...

I would rather lick my front tire than do any of them. If I had to choose, I would say Richard Simmons because he's rockin' that 'fro hard. He's a baaad man. Don't piss him off 'cause he's got an army of grannies sweating to the oldies behind him just waitin' to pounce....I landed here on accident and stayed to enjoy. love your blog!

SJ said...

Is it just me or do all thes guys look Eskimo?

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

sj, my man....its just you.