Sunday, May 14, 2006

If Given The Opportunity I'd Make Sweet Sweet Butt-Love With Angela Lansbury

Oops. Did I say Angela Lansbury? I meant to say Courtney Love.

I know, I know, Courtney Love is clearly insane and not all that pretty to begin with (even after all the plastic surgery), but there is something about her that makes me want to bend her over my grandparents plastic covered furniture and go to town on dat ass. Maybe it’s the fact that she looks like the biggest gutter tramp I’ve ever seen and no matter what sick, perverted, disgusting things I suggest I do to her in the sack, she’d always say something like "Mmmm, that sounds like fun. Lets do it, then smoke some crack. Then do it again."

Maybe then she’d sing songs about me instead of that loser from The Strokes. Yes, songs about me because I’m a winner. Songs like "IDigHootchAndCootch, your balls in my mouth taste like Certs breathmints". Yes, if given the opportunity I would certainly make sweet sweet butt love to Courtney love.

Ahhhg, who are we kidding? I’d tap Angela Lansbury too.


Melissa said...

They still make Certs? Are they still in those little gold foil rolls?

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

The world's supply of certs are located in the vending machine at my work (little gold foil rolls indeed). Its like - a little bag of doritos containing 3 chips: $50; Certs breathmints from the 1970s: $0.25.

Actually, I saw on another blog, with adsense advertising, a link for certs. The certs had their "prices slashed to $15.95". Must be an industrial sized container just in case you wanted to stockpile a supply for any end of the world scenarios.

Melissa said...

Oooooo did they have cinnimon?

IDigHootchAndCootch said...


yeah, cinnamon too. I already placed my order for the industrial sized gold foil roll.

If a nuclear catastrophe on a global scale happens to befall us and 90% of the earth's population is vaporized (but we survive), you'll be able to recognise me because I'll be the fly motherfucker with no arms, 8 legs, half a face and cinnomony fresh breath.

Thanks for the read.

Me said...

Okay...this entry's title made me laugh...and the content kept me laughing.

Why do I think you'd want a threesome with Angela and Courtney? LOL.

kattbanjo said...

Have the same fantasy about Keith Richards