Thursday, May 18, 2006

The Cootches in my Life - Mia the Stripper

I know this girl. She’s pretty hot. Her name is Mia. Mia is a stripper who hustles at a far away joint but lives in my neighbourhood.

Once Mia invited me out to smoke some weed. She said it was called Montreal Freeze. I had no idea what that meant, but it was pretty good. We were sitting in my car in a parking lot, outside a bar, talking. She asked what I did that day. I told her I was watching season 5 of the Gilmore Girls when she called me. "Gilmore Girls!?!?" she remarked, "you like that show!? That’s almost as bad as Dawson’s Creek". I told her "I like watching Dawson’s Creek too".

We started drinking at the bar. I let Mia order for us both. She would alternate between cocktails and rounds of shots. The shots were fucking gross - Tequila Rose, Tequila straight up, some other shit with lemon on the glass that tasted like someone’s dirty ass mixed with burnt hair. Anyway, we got wasted. It was fun. Guys were staring at Mia’s fake breasts all night. That was fun. I thought I was gonna throw up. That wasn’t as much fun.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The above is in no way an endorsement of fake breasts. In fact, to tell you the truth, I'm not really a fan of fake breasts at all. They're always too hard and there is never any guarantee they'll be pointing in the right direction or have the proper shape. Yeah, that shit just freaks me the fuck out.

9 comments:

Melissa said...

So are Lorelie and Luke getting married or what? And go make nice on other people's blogs so they'll post to you. I'm starting to feel all stalker patty-ish here.

Adam Mordo said...

On a slightly more disturbing note, How in hell did you know how "dirty ass mixed with burnt hair" taste like?

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Melissa - I normally watch the show saturday's at 9am when they play the re-runs. So normally when I'm watching, I'm half-asleep, or sometimes still drunk from the night before (how charming, eh?). And its difficult to decipher whats actually happening in the show vs what I'm dreaming about WHEN watching. Although something tells me the episode were me and rory are in the shower together was just in my head.

Adam - its was a David Blaine trick, I was attempting to perform, gone horribly askew. Needless to say, I am also missing my eyebrows.

Elaine said...

Amen on the fake boobs. Freaky built in flotation devices.

Montreal Freeze sounds like a good time all around. Dawson's Creek rocked.. however, Gilmore Girls do not. May I recommend one or two episodes of Felicity?

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Elaine,

regarding Gilmore Girls:

WHA?!? Dem’s fighting words, woman. If you are ever in Toronto me and you are gonna throw down. If we cause enough commotion we may even find ourselves in the news "retard from toronto, gets beat down by Californian midget"

Felicity is on at 10am right after the Gilmore Girls, although I don’t often sit through an entire episode. All the characters look like young republicans to me. It trips me out. Scott Speedman is alright tho. I actually played basketball against him during highschool. For real. No Shit.

Elaine said...

tsk tsk oh hootch..are you not aware of my 5 tier ninja midget belt? I cometh with stealth and leave Toronto 'Tards with sliced achilles tendons. ouch.. ouch .. ouch.. limp home....

VICTORY IS MINE! bwahahahahaha!

in other news.. OMIGOD you (gasp) were next to Scott McDreaman???
Le sigh. swwooooonnnn

Elaine said...

oh. and young republicans are hot..
..and rich...

..but they usually don't like little Filipino girls...

..so screw em...

..they suck.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

I think Scott Speedman may have even sweat on me. Of course then I was thinking "eww, fucking gross", when I really should have been thinking "quick, lets save this guy's sweat in cotton swabs then sell it on e-bay when Felicity breaks big".

dirk.mancuso said...

Nah, you were right to let the Speedman sweat go the natural course. Now if it had been Scott FOLEY...hooooooooo-boy. That woulda been some e-bay bounty to behold.

And I agree, the GIRLS are the shits, while the CREEK is just shit.