Tuesday, November 07, 2006

what I do when I cant sleep and the x-files dvd I bought sucks ass

Is it politically correct for me to refer to the New Orleans/Oklahoma Hornets as "my niggers"? Thats a tough call. Luckily, I'm a close personal friend of someone infinitely more qualified than me to answer the above question - Rush Limbaugh. He's in my bathroom right now shooting up. I think I'll ask him:

Hootch: Hey Rush. Is it socially acceptable for me to call members of the New Orleans/Oklahoma Hornets as "my niggers"?

Rush: Oh hell yeah. Of course it is. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a lilly-livered member of the socialist media. You cant be afraid to call a spade a spade... to step on some toes, sometimes.

Hootch: Thanks, Rush. Thats what I think also. After all, I'm using the term "my niggers" to denote friendship, a brotherhood. Whats wrong with that, right?

Rush: Oh... ahhh... I think there has been a misunderstanding. You mean you weren't planning on enslaving the members of the New Orleans Hornets?

Hootch: Enslaving them?! Why would I want to do that. Plus they've covered all their games this year so far.

Rush: Ah, yes... well... not even Chris Paul? He seems like a lippy nigger to me. Its not good for the moral fiber of the country.

Hootch: What? I dont even know what you are talking about any more, dude.

Rush: Never mind. Now, pass me that crack pipe. I gotta hit that.

I just noticed the online bookie I make some of my bets with has a blog. On his blog he gives out free sports betting picks. Is that the craziest fucking thing ever. Your bookie giving out sports betting advice?!?!? Classic. The last 2 weeks he went 2 - 5 and he's 11 - 16 overall. Big fucking surprise. Its like saying "yo bookie, I know you have a red hot poker so why dont you go ahead and ram it up my ass as hard as you can while I bend over for you".

Maybe I should see if I can get him to place a link to my blog on his sportsbook site. That'd be fucking gangster. I will not only give out my free picks, but I can also recommend how you spend your winnings - ie: "ok, with the cool hunny we just made by taking the Karachi CrackWhores to beat the Delaware Dirty Sanchez' in that rousing game of Horseshoes, we will now go to the corner of Church and Jarvis in Toronto to negotiate a blowjob. I'm not sure what the going rate is but I'm sure if you promise to share your weed with your whore she may go beyond the call of duty, if not spend the entire fucking night with your miserable ass".

I gotta go see if I can finish off this episode of the x-files. Its the one where Scully was abducted by aliens but she is still remaining a skeptic. Good God, woman. Whats it gonna take!?!?


lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

LOL great post hootch

made my tuesday night i tells ya.

Melissa said...

Rush is a racist?

Freak Magnet said...

I think I'm in love with you.

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