Mally. Mally is a good friend. He has saved my life on a number of occasions. Like the time he tried to kill me, on a bad 'shroom trip, but then changed his mind. Mally is pretty much indestructible. He is about 5'10 and 275 pounds of rock hard muscle. He is like a boulder with legs... if that boulder chain smoked and only ordered drinks by the triple.
I remember once me and Mally got into a fight with two other guys at a night club. I cant remember how the fight got started, but the two guys were now squaring off against us. I was pretty sure I was gonna get my ass kicked, but before I could say "Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh, Booooyyyzzzzz", Mally had broken both guys' noses. That night I was the Flavour Flav to his Chuck D. I was useless, but Mally made me feel like part of the victory.
Anyway, Mally has a sensitive side that I want to show you all. I think the below conversation documents it accordingly. This conversation took place around 10 years ago in Cancun, Mexico. Me, Mally, Sterg and a bunch of other guys went down for the week. Mally and the rest of the other guys went out for the evening. I had tapped out at, something disgraceful like, 10pm cuz I thought I was gonna throw up. I was back in the hotel room, recovering, watching a really shit movie and masturbating to Rosie Perez (no comments on Rosie, please. I was drunk), when I heard the door open and Mally come in.
Hootch: Hey, what are you doing home so early? (said as I'm discretely putting my underwear back on, underneath the bed covers)
Mally: Ahhh, Mally got laid.
Hootch: Yeah?! What was his name?
Hootch: Just kidding. Is she from the resort?
Mally: No, She was from Mexico City (goes into the bathroom)
Hootch: Mexico City?! Whoa.. thats kind of a risky proposition, no? Anyway, I'm sure you were careful. What was her name?
Mally: Mally cant remember exactly. Something weird.
Hootch: And they say true love is dead.
Mally: Mally is gonna be using the bathroom for a bit. Do you have to go before I close the door?
Hootch: No, I'm good.
Mally: Mally is going in. (closes door)
Hootch: Mal, why do you keep referring yourself to in the third person?
Mally: I dunno. Mally didn't really have a good time tonight. Mally is hoping by referring to himself in the 3rd person he will mentally and psychologically disassociate himself from the previous few hours.
Hootch: Why, what happened? Is everything alright in there?
Mally: Yeah...I think so.
Hootch: Whats going on?
Mally: My dick is bleeding.
Hootch: You're dick is bleeding!!
Mally: Yeah, my dick is bleeding.
Hootch: Your dick is bleeding and you think everything is alright?!?!
Mally: Its only bleeding a little.
Hootch: I dont know how to tell you this but your dick bleeding just "a little" is no consolation, my friend.
Mally: Its really not that bad. You wanna see?
Hootch: No. I dont wanna see your bleeding dick.
Mally: (comes out with toilet paper covering his dick. Toilet paper is mostly red from the blood) Whattaya think?
Hootch: Fuck man, what the hell happened?
Mally: I think it started bleeding sometime during sex. I'm not sure tho.
Hootch: Oh, I guess you didn't notice right away cuz the condom was covering the blood?
Mally: I didn't use a condom.
Hootch: What?! You banged a chick from Mexico City and you didn't use a condom?!
Mally: I didn't have the chance. She just jumped on me in her room... I dont think she was really wet, tho. It hurt a little. Then when I started to see a little blood I thought "Wait a second, something may be wrong."
Hootch: Yeah "may be wrong".
Mally: Anyway, I pulled out and my dick was covered in blood. Way more than I thought.
Hootch: So I guess thats when you said "adios bitch" and came here, eh?
Mally: No, then she blew me.
Hootch: She blew you?! But your dick was bleeding.
Mally: She said she wanted to.
Hootch: Yeah but, you could have said "no".
Mally: (shrugs shoulders) Eh. Whattareya gonna do? I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
Hootch: (starring at Mally in disbelief)
Mally: By the way, you can finish whacking off to Rosie Perez, I'm going back to the bathroom.