I think me and NewCootch just broke up. First Kevin and Britney, and now me and NewCootch. Whats the world coming to? Here's how it went down:
I invited NewCootch over to my house tonight to just chill. You know, nothing big. My plan for the evening was to keep it relaxed and informal. Watch some tv, play yatzee, maybe some anal.
NewCootch arrived a little early. I was still going over the sports lines for tomorrow's games. I asked her to entertain herself in my tv room while I finished up on the internet upstairs. However, it was impossible to get a moments peace to concentrate with NewCootch in the house.
NewCootch: Hootch, how long are you gonna be?
Hootch: Like, 5 minutes. Okay? Turn on the tv and I'll be down soon.
NewCootch: Where is the remote... oh never mind its right in front of me. Isn't that funny?
NewCootch: Do you wanna hear something?
Hootch: (mumbles) Not really.
Hootch: When I come down, okay.
NewCootch: My brother is gonna be in the Guinness World Book of Records.
NewCootch: Do you wanna know what he's gonna be in it for?
NewCootch: Do you know what he's gonna be in it for!!
Hootch: I dunno. Having the world's most annoying sister?
Then it happened. NewCootch snapped... but not in a way you'd expect... not in a way I expected anyway. NewCootch stormed upstairs, walked into my computer room and descended upon my penis like a sex banshee outta my daydreams and with the type of enthusiasm Rosie O'Donnell would ordinarily reserve only for donuts, Selma Hayek and Selma Hayek covered in donuts. For the next 20 minutes NewCootch grinded my penis into a wet, limp submission. She was generating such force on my groin that I'm pretty sure every square inch of my pelvis is now covered in hairline fractures.
After the deed was done and I finished repainting the ceiling with my ejaculate, NewCootch got dressed and just left my house without saying a word. "That was kind of odd" I thought. Then, in the middle of nursing my bruised balls, it struck me. Me and NewCootch just had breakup sex. She had just broke up with me. But before she did she wanted to bang me one last time to forever remind me what I'd be missing - a pain in the ass... and now a pain in the balls as well.
Under the emotional and physical duress of having to deal with newly ruptured testicles and another failed relationship, I managed somehow to find the inner strength required to potentially piss my money away on the following games:
Seattle +7 at Orlando
Charlotte +5.5 at Boston
Utah +3 at NJ
Clips -3 vs Dallas
Detroit +1.5 at Sactown
NY Rangers (-125) over Florida
Its funny, I dont even like some of these games all that much, but what can I say? I'm an idiot. I'll put up my 14 - 9 blogger gambling record in my pursuit of becoming the world's worse blogger/gambler.