Conversations from the elliptical machine; part: who da fuck cares

Time and Place: 6am. Me and Sterg at GoodLife Gym. Surrounded by a million geriatrics getting in their morning exercise (what the fuck?! Dont old people sleep?)

H: Oh, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Is this Phil Collins?

S: Yeah.

H: Oh, man. The songs they play here are getting worse and worse.

S: How can they expect us to exercise to Phil Collins? Do you even know what the name of this song is?

H: I think its the Su-Su-Sudio song.

S: Which one is that?

H: Its the one where Phil Collins goes "Su-Su-Sudio"

S: Oh.

H: Actually...I use to like this song.

S: Homo.

H: Hey, check out tv 7.

S: What are Pamela and Kid Rock doing in the news?

H: I dunno. Looks like Kid Rock is harrassing some photographers though.

S: Harrassing photographers?! The guy is like 90 pounds!

H: One of those photographers should just say "step the fuck back, son, before I embarrass you in front of your skank".

S: I know. Go sing another country song , asshole. You couldn't marry Pamela when she was good looking, now you're gonna take her when she has hepatitus?! Loser.

H: Oh I almost forgot. I was checking out this guy's blog, Butchieboy. He's pretty funny. He has this awesome picture of a naked woman with her back arched...

S: What so awesome about that?

H: ...and this squid is on her back with some of its tentacles all over her ass.

(old woman beside us gives us a weird look. she also changes eliptical machines and moves farther away from us)

S: (laughing, nearly falling off the eliptical machine) THAT. IS. WICKED.

H: I cant believe squid is getting more action than me. How are things at your store?

S: Pretty good. I think I made myself too accessible to my staff though.

H: What do you mean?

S: I told my staff if they ever wanna discuss any difficulties or problems they may be having they can always talk to me. "My door is always open to you" I think were my exact words.

H: Why would you say something like that?

S: Some of the girls are pretty good looking and I was hoping I could work the nice guy routine for a lay or two.

H: How is that working so far?

S: Not so good. Yesterday ChineseCootch, this really good looking girl, comes in my office and says "WhiteCootch left a mess in the girls bathroom". So I was thinking "what the fuck do I care?! I dont use the girls bathroom. Aaannnnd why are you telling me? I own the fucking store, I dont clean up the toilets."

H: What d'you tell them?

S: I said "work it out between the two of you".

H: You should be like a hard-ass and have told them "if you two dont solve the problem in 30 minutes my solution is gonna be no more girls bathroom. I'll use the extra space for more merchandizing and you guys can shit in the alley behind the store".

S: Are we still doing something for Huner's bachelor party tonight.

H: Damn straight.

S: Its gonna be sick.

H: I may contract 3 or 4 venereal diseases tonight.

S: You sick bastard...Yeah, me too.