Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I Think I May Have Become "The Fat Guy" In My Group Of Friends

It appears as though the soul-crushing endeavor of employment has occupied so much of my time that it has become absolutely, positively impossible for me to find any opportunity to exercise. For god’s sake, as it stands now, I hardly have any time to play video games, watch tv and surf the internet for porno. Who has time to exercise?!?

I cant believe I’ve become the fattest among my group of friends!! You know how tv writers aspire to create, one dimensional, shallow characters in order to make it easier for the general public to identify with and recognize? Like with the show Friends. You have Rachel who is the pretty one, Chandler the funny one, and Ross the gay guy? Well if my circle of friends had a tv show I’d be the fat, retarded guy.

I’ve thought about going to the gym again and documenting my progress in a serious exercise blog. But ughh, who'd would wanna read what - "today, I struggled to bench press 15 pounds and the juice bags at my gym threatened to ass rape me in the locker-room showers" or "today, this steroid-ravaged chick threatened to snap me in half if I didn't fetch her some water and a hypodermic for her anabolics".

For real, maybe I should bang out some kind of scientific blog where I can empirically measure the benefits of exercise. But it wont be played out like "Exercise is good for your Heart" or Exercise improves Cardiovascular Performance". My scientific blog will study aspects of exercise that haven't been researched yet, like: "Does exercise improve the appearance of your penis" or "the stairmaster - does it really make your balls sag?" I'll take before and after photos and it'll be a whole thing n' all.

I dont even know what I'm saying anymore.

Tomorrow. 6am. GoodLife Gym. Hootch has a rendez-vous with the stairmaster.


ps. If you dont hear from me tomorrow, I may very well have died of a heart-attack.


Me said...

I can relate to what you're saying...I'm not fat by any means, but I'm not one of those chicks who looks likes anorexia would be a step up for her either. According to my doctor, I'm normal for my body type..average...which pretty much equates to "fat ass" in my group of female friends. I try not to get too worked up over it though. There is no shame in someone who is 5'5'' being over 100 pounds.

Some of my friends haven't hit that number yet. Umm. Anyway, I'm off topic here.

I hope the stairmaster didn't kill you...and if you need someone to preview those "before" balls/penis pics, you know where to find me. ;)

Melissa said...

It's true what they say about the stair master, you're gonna need a banana hammock before it's all over with.

kattbanjo said...

no way! I love you anyway!!!!kisses

Lowry said...

I want to copy this post and paste it to my blog, but instead I'll admit defeat give you credit for coming up with it first:)

Elaine said...

I can relate.

My last ten pounds and I are currently at war.