It appears as though the soul-crushing endeavor of employment has occupied so much of my time that it has become absolutely, positively impossible for me to find any opportunity to exercise. For god’s sake, as it stands now, I hardly have any time to play video games, watch tv and surf the internet for porno. Who has time to exercise?!?
I cant believe I’ve become the fattest among my group of friends!! You know how tv writers aspire to create, one dimensional, shallow characters in order to make it easier for the general public to identify with and recognize? Like with the show Friends. You have Rachel who is the pretty one, Chandler the funny one, and Ross the gay guy? Well if my circle of friends had a tv show I’d be the fat, retarded guy.
I’ve thought about going to the gym again and documenting my progress in a serious exercise blog. But ughh, who'd would wanna read what - "today, I struggled to bench press 15 pounds and the juice bags at my gym threatened to ass rape me in the locker-room showers" or "today, this steroid-ravaged chick threatened to snap me in half if I didn't fetch her some water and a hypodermic for her anabolics".
For real, maybe I should bang out some kind of scientific blog where I can empirically measure the benefits of exercise. But it wont be played out like "Exercise is good for your Heart" or Exercise improves Cardiovascular Performance". My scientific blog will study aspects of exercise that haven't been researched yet, like: "Does exercise improve the appearance of your penis" or "the stairmaster - does it really make your balls sag?" I'll take before and after photos and it'll be a whole thing n' all.
I dont even know what I'm saying anymore.
Tomorrow. 6am. GoodLife Gym. Hootch has a rendez-vous with the stairmaster.
ps. If you dont hear from me tomorrow, I may very well have died of a heart-attack.