Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Mally, Katja Kassin, Jesse and Sweaty Young Guy

I have this friend. His name is Mally. Mally is currently single. The ladies dont know what they're missing.

Today me and Mally went to the gym. At 5:45am he pulled up in my driveway, honked the horn and yelled "lets go fuck-face! I told you to be ready!" Half asleep, I stumbled and made my way into Mally's car. It stank like something fierce. It smelled like a skunk crawled up someone's ass and let one rip. It smelled like burnt hair mixed with Kentucky Fried Chicken shit. I asked Mally:

"Mally, what the fuck, did you fart?"

He answered "No, I burped".

Okay, so maybe the ladies aren't missing that much after all.

On the way to the gym Mally told me about this girl there who he thought was digging him. She was the receptionist. Her name was Jesse. When we arrived at GoodLife gym we both saw Jesse right away. She was at the front desk. She looked alright. She looked like a younger version of the porno star Katja Kassin. I mean Katja is not really my type, but fuck, I'd throw it to her.

I recall from some video clips when Katja is giving head she sticks the entire dick in her mouth so much so that her lips are pressed flush against the dude's pubes. And Katja's dudes aren't even "manscaped". Thats fuckin gross. Female pubes are all sunshine and roses but guys' pubes are fuckin' nasty. Same thing with feet. I had a point here, what was it? Oh yeah - Katja Kassin. If Katja Kassin is ever on the verge of going down on my 4 and three quarter inches of throbing beef injection I'm gonna tell her "I dont dig the way you give head, baby".

For real.

I am.

Ok. Where the fuck was I again? Oh ya, me and Mally. Me and Mally put on our work-out clothes in the change room and hit the eliptical machines for a 15 minute warm up. Ten feet ahead of us there was a row of stationary bikes where Jesse had moved to and was now talking with some other young guy. This young guy was pushing himself pretty hard on the stationary bike and was beginning to sweat profusely. Mally asked me:

"So, what do you think. She's pretty, eh?"

"She's alright". I said and continued to watch as Jesse started to massage the back of the young guy's sweaty neck.

"I think I'm gonna ask her out". Mally said.

"Mally, are you seeing whats going down, man?" I asked as Jesse was now sucking the stationary biker's ear as he continued to sweat like a beast.

"What? That!?! They're just friends".



I can hear the wedding bells now.


Melissa said...

That Mally is pretty observant. Any measurable drop from the stair master?

Me said... they have guys--and I'm not talking Mally--who will come around and touch and suck on me while I work out???

If so, I think I might need to move.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Melissa - yes. I have noticed some droopage. So, as a result, I was forced to break out the addidas 1980's short shorts with the "built-in underwear". The "boys" are snug and secure once again...although now I feel like I belong in an Elton John video.

Me - Guys? No. Someone did tell me though that Jesse works both genders. She's very industrious.

kattbanjo said...

Mally's the one you blogged about before? How he could masturbate like no body's business? Haha!!!

Me said...

Hmmm...I'm taking that fact into consideration....

question girl said...

jeesh.... i only have to deal w/ the dirty old men staring at me while i swim backstroke at my gym...

Lowry said...

I'm curious...did Mally do anything about the "friends?"

Elaine said...

picturing you on the eliptical machine with 80's shorts has thrown me into a tizzy that only my battery powered friend can cure...

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

katt - he is. And he can.

Question girl - I'm sure the dirty young ones stare also.

Lowry - no moves made as of yet, but hopefully soon as I need more blog material.

Elaine - You should see me in my neon yellow "CHOOSE LIFE" t-shirt. George Michaels eat your heart out!