I have this friend. His name is Mally. Mally is currently single. The ladies dont know what they're missing.
Today me and Mally went to the gym. At 5:45am he pulled up in my driveway, honked the horn and yelled "lets go fuck-face! I told you to be ready!" Half asleep, I stumbled and made my way into Mally's car. It stank like something fierce. It smelled like a skunk crawled up someone's ass and let one rip. It smelled like burnt hair mixed with Kentucky Fried Chicken shit. I asked Mally:
"Mally, what the fuck, did you fart?"
He answered "No, I burped".
Okay, so maybe the ladies aren't missing that much after all.
On the way to the gym Mally told me about this girl there who he thought was digging him. She was the receptionist. Her name was Jesse. When we arrived at GoodLife gym we both saw Jesse right away. She was at the front desk. She looked alright. She looked like a younger version of the porno star Katja Kassin. I mean Katja is not really my type, but fuck, I'd throw it to her.
I recall from some video clips when Katja is giving head she sticks the entire dick in her mouth so much so that her lips are pressed flush against the dude's pubes. And Katja's dudes aren't even "manscaped". Thats fuckin gross. Female pubes are all sunshine and roses but guys' pubes are fuckin' nasty. Same thing with feet. I had a point here, what was it? Oh yeah - Katja Kassin. If Katja Kassin is ever on the verge of going down on my 4 and three quarter inches of throbing beef injection I'm gonna tell her "I dont dig the way you give head, baby".
Ok. Where the fuck was I again? Oh ya, me and Mally. Me and Mally put on our work-out clothes in the change room and hit the eliptical machines for a 15 minute warm up. Ten feet ahead of us there was a row of stationary bikes where Jesse had moved to and was now talking with some other young guy. This young guy was pushing himself pretty hard on the stationary bike and was beginning to sweat profusely. Mally asked me:
"So, what do you think. She's pretty, eh?"
"She's alright". I said and continued to watch as Jesse started to massage the back of the young guy's sweaty neck.
"I think I'm gonna ask her out". Mally said.
"Mally, are you seeing whats going down, man?" I asked as Jesse was now sucking the stationary biker's ear as he continued to sweat like a beast.
"What? That!?! They're just friends".
I can hear the wedding bells now.