Monday, July 03, 2006

Looking At My Gucci Its About That Time

Lou Dobbs,

What's the dealio, brother? Why you gotta be such a player hater. What have the fuckin' Mexicans ever done to you? And what exactly does "American Jobs" actually fuckin' mean? Is that anything like the positions the Native Americans held in society before the Europeans came over and spread their disease and shit?

Maybe, Lou, you just say the shit you do for shock value. You know, you don't actually believe that bullshit but you say it regardless to guarantee you airtime and to secure your audience of hillbillies. Is that it Lou? You say the shit you do because otherwise you feel you're not as interesting as Wolf Blitzer and his moustache?

Let me fill you in here on a little secret Lou, brother. If you want to go for shock value, I can hook you up with a couple of chicks to suck your balls while you do the news on live TV. Now that will bring in the ratings, vato!! Whattaya say? Come on, hombre, say "yes". When was the last time you had your balls sucked, good and long?

LD: Just yesterday.
Hootch: Get the fuck outta here, brother! You had your balls sucked yesterday!!
LD: Why, yes. I was with Anderson Cooper and he dipped his testicles in a jar of honey made right here in the good ol' U.S. of A. and I proceeded to suck them clean. It was a marvelous experience. That is the same thing, right?
Hootch: No, vato. Having your balls sucked and sucking Anderson Cooper's balls is not the same thing. Tell you what, brother, you think it over, cuz I know there is still an ounce of humanity left in you (unlike that douche, limbaugh and tucker carlson).

So, Lou baby, in closing - don't be such a tight ass. We're all living here on the same piece of dirt, doing our best and trying to get by.

Happy holiday to all my American amigos.


Melissa said...

Lou, give ole Anderson my address and tell him to bring that jar of honey. Gay, straight... don't make me no nevermind, Anderson is just hot.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

I felt bad having to bring Anderson in on this. Dat boy has got soul.

Oh, and that jar of honey, I'm presently using for my morning toast. I bought it off e-bay. I took a shot and ran a search for "anderson Cooper's balls dipped in breakfast spreads"...and BINGO!

Me said...

Oh, but the visual....


Melissa said...

You... Anderson... just bring the honey.

kattbanjo said...