Saturday, July 22, 2006

More Conversations From The StairMaster

Just in case you were wondering, I know its hard to believe but no - me and Sterg are not members of Mensa.

S: Hey Hootch, have you lost any weight since we started doing this?
H: Yeah man. I lost 4 pounds last week.
S: Really?! Cuz it doesn't look like it
H: Shaaat aapp.
S: Man, if someone doesn't change this music they have on the stereo I may have to knock someone out.
H: For real. Who is this?
S: I think its that guy - Josh Groban?
H: I dont know who the fuck Josh Groban is...but I think he's turning me gay.
S: I know. I suddenly feel this overwhelming urge to sing Elton John songs and grow a moustache.
H: Hey, speaking of fags, hear Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra are breaking up?

S: Yeah. I hate that fucking guy. Carmen is still pretty good looking though, eh?
H: I was never really a fan. Hear Kid Rock marrying Pamela?
S: Such a dumb ass. Pamela dumped him when she was still young and hot and now he's gonna take her back when she's old and ugly?! Its fuckin retarded.
H: I know. Its an outrage. I mean Kid Rock's still got money. Before he was nailing every 20 year old porn star there was. Now he's gonna settle down with 40 year old Pamela?!
S: Its a travesty.
H: What's the world coming to? The conflict in the Middle East, global warming, guys with money marrying old, busted chicks. When will the madness end?
S: Still, Pamela in her day was a piece if ass, eh?
H: I never really was a fan of Pamela either.
S: Who the fuck do you like then?
H: I dunno. Hillary Duff is pretty nice.
S: Hillary Duff?! Ah man, Elton would probably give you more thrills.

H: Why? Who do you like?
S: That Rhianna chick is smoking.
H: Fuck, I know. Black chicks always scare me a little though.
S: Yeah. How come Grand Master?
H: I always get the feeling they could kick my ass, or they could snap my dick in half if they wanted to. Why do you think that is?
S: Probably because there is not much there to snap. Hey, you coming to the beach tomorrow for some volleyball?
H: Who is gonna be there?
S: Me, Mally, Laura, some of her friends, Earl.
H: EARL IS GONNA BE THERE?!?! GAY EARL? NO FUCKIN' WAY
S: Yep. The one and only.
H: Oh man, Gay Earl!! Remember a couple summers ago when we use to play, no matter how Earl went for the dig he always landed in the sand on all fours with his back arched and his ass spread?
S: Yeah. Like he was hoping someone would trip, fall over him and accidentally fuck him in the ass?
H: Oh, man, I love Earl. Yeah, I'm there. Tomorrow should be good.

5 comments:

Me said...

Congrats on the four pounds...

I can't wait to hear about the volleyball.

Neil said...

I always like Elton John. C'mon, his early stuff wasn't that gay.

Melissa said...

How is it that you have better celeb gossip than me???? I must be under a rock this week.

Hillary Duff? I hear she's like warm apple pie.

Freak Magnet said...

1. Congratulations on the weight loss. Hope to hear more of the same in the days to come.

2. Hilary Duff is supposed to be a virgin, so you wouldn't have any fun with her.

3. John Groban gives ME teh gay.

Elaine said...

1. Four pounds! WHOO HOO!

2. Josh Groban is SO gay. I hate that wierd nasal cock in my mouth voice he's got going on.

3. FYI Kid Rock is no prize either. He looks like he smell of chum and chewing tobacco.

4. Hilary Duff? PRE-weight loss and PRE-horse teeth. She was pretty cute.

i'd stick my dick in Angelina Jolie though.. if I had a dick. Well.. I guess I can always buy one huh? So there.. you don't have to be scared of black chicks breaking it off. If they do break it off, we'll go dick shopping together.