Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The French Lesbian, AnimeGirl and NewCootch

Today NewCootch caught me sneaking a peek at the AnimeGirl. She asked me if I liked her. I lied and said "no". I dont think I was very convincing though. NewCootch then told me that AnimeGirl had a boyfriend.

"Who? That guy with the coke-bottle glasses, pocket protector and calculator watch?" I asked.

"Yeah". She answered.

I stood there catatonic. I dont even know what catatonic means but thats how I stood.

Shhhhhyyyyaaaaat.

The anime girl - single handedly capable of making you believe in both god and the devil all with the same 2 second heat and flash glance. Sure, she looks like she would be kind of a boring, all business, utilitarian lay, but hey, I'd still throw it to her.

"Yesterday, someone told me they liked you". NewCootch continued talking to me.

"Who?" I asked, convinced the answer would be - Lars, the 5000 year old albino Scandanavian from the warehouse.

"D'you now the tall girl downstairs with the really short hair and the dress shirts?"

"Who? The French lesbian?!"

"She's not French. She has a name you know!"

"I know, what is it again, IWishSheWasBetterLooking?"

"Yeah. she likes you."

"She likes me?! She doesn't even know me... Is she really a lesbian? I was just joking with that bit".

"I think she's bi."

"Cool".

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"What should I tell IWishSheWasBetterLooking?"

I wanted to say "tell her I pine for the animegirl - that boney assed marvel of the world". But instead I said "tell her nothing", as I thought I still have logs in the fire from the bachelor party last saturday. Then I thought "logs in the fire?!" I dont think thats the proper expression. That sounds kinda homo. Then I thought "I'm such an asshole". Then I thought "mustard". Then I thought "why do all strippers love dolphins?"

Then I though "mustard" again.


6 comments:

Elaine said...

Why DO all strippers love dolphins?!

I swear.. you and me hootch...(doing eye to eye gesture..)

Mustard.

Me said...

Hootch...I swear, it's sounding more and more like you attend junior high than go to work. LOL. That's cool though.

Relish (instead of mustard!)

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

i wish my work environment was as fun as yours. wanna trade ?

kattbanjo said...

your mind is absolutely fascinating to me..I love your blog!

Freak Magnet said...

How on earth do you get logs in a fire from a bachelor party? Are you thinking about the strippers? Don't you have enough strippers in your life already? Is there such a thing as too many strippers in Hootch's life?

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

elaine - I think the meaning of life may be answered before why all strippers love dolphins.

me - Thats perfect for me because mentally I still haven't developed beyond grade 8.

lastlife - and leave behind Lars? ;)

katt - my "mind?!" OHHH, you mean the empty void between my ears. Ah, well, thank you.

Freak Magnet - sexually promiscuous women, with a checkered history and a ton of baggage = my achilles heel.