Monday, July 17, 2006

this could have been good if I could write

Hootch: Where's Mally?
Sterg: I think he's in the bathroom.
H: Still?! He's been in there for a long time, no?
Tommy: Tell me about it. I've been holding a shit for, like, 25 minutes.
Kos: Is that was smells?
T: I think I may have let a nuggent slip out.
Patrick: Hey, who changed the channel?
Hootch: I did. Were you watching something?
P: Ya man, I was watching ultimate fighting.
H: Ultimate fighting is for fags
P: Why?! What the fuck are you watching, tough guy?
H: Dawson's Creek.
P: Fuck that, guy. I should have known. What?! Lemme guess - this is the episode where Dawson whines like a little bitch about not getting any pussy... which, when you think about it, is so completley bullshit cuz we all know Dawson is a raging homo, right?
H: Dawson is not a homo. Every guy in highschool was as least part Dawson. Thats what made Dawson's Creek so great - everyone could relate to the character.
P: Not everyone, brother. I got fuckin laid in highschool.
K: Yeah but getting drilled in the ass by Mr. Allen, the math teacher, is not the same thing.
P: Hootch just cant take it cuz his boy, Dawson, is a fag. I mean, if we were privy to Dawson's interior monologue it'd sound something like this "last night I dreamed I ate out Pacey's ass. It was delicious. It tasted like french vanilla ice cream.."
T: Didn't Dawson though nail that Katie Holmes chick?
S: Katie Holmes in fucking nasty guy.
H: Katie Holmes!? No man, she's nice. She's tall. Her face is kinda fucked up but still...
S: "But still" what?! How can a chick be good looking if her face is fucked up?
H: Well, everyone knows the taller a chick is the less attractive her face has to be, right?
K: Who says that?
H: Everyone. Its scientifically proven.
S: Yeah, fuck that. Just like your brumski theory?
P: What the fuck's a brumski?
S: You dont wanna know, guy.
K: Is it anything like a "Sprolski"?
H: Its in the same family.
S: What the fuck is a Sprolski?
H: Its when you bury your face into chicks asshole and yell "SPPPRRRRROLSKI". You have to roll the "r", like a motorboat.
S: Are you fucking with me now? Cuz if you are its not funny. Yesterday I tried the fuckin brumski and Laura started laughing so hard we didn't even have sex. And now you are telling me about the spr... spro..
H: Sprolski. Trust me dude. The Sprolksi - guarantee G spot orgasm for the chick.
S: For real? I mean, are you sure...cuz I normally dont do the butt.
H: You dont do the butt?!
S: No man, that shit is nasty.
Mally (walks in): Oh man, I eat the pussy, I eat the butt...I dont even give a shit if its clean.

H: Yes, Mally!
T: Where the fuck were you, man?
M: I was cranking one off in the bathroom to Patrick's mom.
H: Sterg, Sprolski Laura and if you dont turn that cooz's cookie into niagra falls, my name is mud.


Freak Magnet said...



I don't get the tall chicks/less attractive bit. Aren't most models required to be tall? Are you saying if a supermodel dropped her drawers and asked for a brumski, you'd decline?

Melissa said...

OMG what an effing sausage fest! This is why I love men, you're all so completely full of shit. Sprolski eh?

Lowry said...

I assume that you'll tell us what to yell when you rub your face in a woman's vagina on your next post?

Me said...

I love how Dawson's Creek seemed to inspire the whole thing. LOL.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

freak magnet - To tell you the truth, I'm not exactly sure how that works either. Something about our unconscious desire for 6ft amazon women.

melissa - yes. Its from the Polish Karma Sutra

Lowry - When you have the opportunity to "rub your face in a woman's vagina" you are supposed to yell "thank you heaven!!:)"

me - thanks. I think Dawson's Creek is directly or indirectly responsible for all great advances made since the late 90's

question girl said...


Melissa said...

My karma ran over your dogma.

Elaine said...

I think I love Mally.