Monday, July 17, 2006

this could have been good if I could write

Hootch: Where's Mally?
Sterg: I think he's in the bathroom.
H: Still?! He's been in there for a long time, no?
Tommy: Tell me about it. I've been holding a shit for, like, 25 minutes.
Kos: Is that was smells?
T: I think I may have let a nuggent slip out.
Patrick: Hey, who changed the channel?
Hootch: I did. Were you watching something?
P: Ya man, I was watching ultimate fighting.
H: Ultimate fighting is for fags
P: Why?! What the fuck are you watching, tough guy?
H: Dawson's Creek.
P: Fuck that, guy. I should have known. What?! Lemme guess - this is the episode where Dawson whines like a little bitch about not getting any pussy... which, when you think about it, is so completley bullshit cuz we all know Dawson is a raging homo, right?
H: Dawson is not a homo. Every guy in highschool was as least part Dawson. Thats what made Dawson's Creek so great - everyone could relate to the character.
P: Not everyone, brother. I got fuckin laid in highschool.
K: Yeah but getting drilled in the ass by Mr. Allen, the math teacher, is not the same thing.
P: Hootch just cant take it cuz his boy, Dawson, is a fag. I mean, if we were privy to Dawson's interior monologue it'd sound something like this "last night I dreamed I ate out Pacey's ass. It was delicious. It tasted like french vanilla ice cream.."
T: Didn't Dawson though nail that Katie Holmes chick?
S: Katie Holmes in fucking nasty guy.
H: Katie Holmes!? No man, she's nice. She's tall. Her face is kinda fucked up but still...
S: "But still" what?! How can a chick be good looking if her face is fucked up?
H: Well, everyone knows the taller a chick is the less attractive her face has to be, right?
K: Who says that?
H: Everyone. Its scientifically proven.
S: Yeah, fuck that. Just like your brumski theory?
P: What the fuck's a brumski?
S: You dont wanna know, guy.
K: Is it anything like a "Sprolski"?
H: Its in the same family.
S: What the fuck is a Sprolski?
H: Its when you bury your face into chicks asshole and yell "SPPPRRRRROLSKI". You have to roll the "r", like a motorboat.
S: Are you fucking with me now? Cuz if you are its not funny. Yesterday I tried the fuckin brumski and Laura started laughing so hard we didn't even have sex. And now you are telling me about the spr... spro..
H: Sprolski. Trust me dude. The Sprolksi - guarantee G spot orgasm for the chick.
S: For real? I mean, are you sure...cuz I normally dont do the butt.
H: You dont do the butt?!
S: No man, that shit is nasty.
Mally (walks in): Oh man, I eat the pussy, I eat the butt...I dont even give a shit if its clean.

H: Yes, Mally!
T: Where the fuck were you, man?
M: I was cranking one off in the bathroom to Patrick's mom.
H: Sterg, Sprolski Laura and if you dont turn that cooz's cookie into niagra falls, my name is mud.

8 comments:

Freak Magnet said...

Um.

Wow.

I don't get the tall chicks/less attractive bit. Aren't most models required to be tall? Are you saying if a supermodel dropped her drawers and asked for a brumski, you'd decline?

Melissa said...

OMG what an effing sausage fest! This is why I love men, you're all so completely full of shit. Sprolski eh?

Lowry said...

I assume that you'll tell us what to yell when you rub your face in a woman's vagina on your next post?

Me said...

I love how Dawson's Creek seemed to inspire the whole thing. LOL.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

freak magnet - To tell you the truth, I'm not exactly sure how that works either. Something about our unconscious desire for 6ft amazon women.

melissa - yes. Its from the Polish Karma Sutra

Lowry - When you have the opportunity to "rub your face in a woman's vagina" you are supposed to yell "thank you heaven!!:)"

me - thanks. I think Dawson's Creek is directly or indirectly responsible for all great advances made since the late 90's

question girl said...

LMAO

Melissa said...

My karma ran over your dogma.

Elaine said...

I think I love Mally.

P-I-M-P.