Saturday, July 15, 2006

Conversations from the StairMaster

The below conversation took place between me and Sterg while doing cardio on the stairmaster at 6am last Sunday. Its almost exactly like we were Dorothy Parker and her crew sitting at the Algonquin Round Table discussing the hot topics of the period....except we're partially retarded...and neither of us know who the fuck Dorothy Parker is.

H: ohhh, fuck I think I'm gonna die.
S: me too.
H: I dont know how much longer I can last
S:me neither...Is it me or do you also feel intense cramping on the left side of your chest.
H: no. no cramping with me...but I think my lungs may have collapsed.
S: how long have we been on for?
H: I dunno. It feels like at least a fuckin hour.
S: take a look at the display monitor. It'll give you all our workout details.
H: alright. says "Time Elapsed 1 minute and 05 seconds; Calories Burned 15; Distance Traveled 0.01 mile".
S: Fuck this. this is bullshit. I should just go on roids.
H:Yeah, next time we should inject ourselves with some anabolics before the cardio.
(Old geriatric woman beside us gives us a weird look)
S: Hey, you coming over this afternoon to watch the world cup.
H: Yeah, I should be able to make it. Who you routing for?
S: France, man. Zidane's the man.
H: Yeah, I know. Zidane is so manly he may score a goal with his balls tonight.
S: Oh, I forgot to ask - how is NewCootch working out?
H: Oh, fuck. She's fucking useless.
S: yeah?
H: yeah. But yesterday she wore this really low-cut fuckin shirt. You could see the inside curve of both her tits - nice! I felt like giving her a brumski right there at her desk.
S: What the fuck's a brumski".
H: A brumski is when you bury your face in between a chicks tits and yell BRRRRRUMSKI.
S: What the fuck is that supposed to do?
H: I dunno, but chicks love it.
S: Chicks love the brumski?!?!
H: Chicks love the brumski, dude. Its scientifically proven. Nine outta 10 chicks agree, the brumski gives them more pleasure than receiving oral
S: Really?!
H: True dat
S: Awesome. I should try the brumski out on Laura tonight.
H: Yeah. Lemme know how it works out for ya.


Me said...

No comments, just lots of laughing here.


Melissa said...

Did you remember to tell Sterg that a bag of frozen peas is an excellent instant ice bag for his black eye?

Freak Magnet said...

I loved the whole "1 min 5 sec" thing. I do the same thing when I'm on the stationery bike. And when I'm walking. And when I'm breathing.

kattbanjo said...

I prefer oral to however you spell that other word....9 outtta 10 women prefer that? You must be doing the oral WRONG, honey! Come show me how you do it. HAHAHA

kattbanjo said...

come to Katt...

Elaine said...

Well at least you have someone to talk to. I have nothing but the thoughts in my head to torment me while I give the envious evil eye to those who have an Ipod.

Lowry said...

Working out...where minutes turn to hours and vice versa...literally. Hmmm, gotta try the brumski sometime.

question girl said...


i have found that the best way to get thru the first 3 min on the treadmill or the eliptical is to get on, start walking & then start looking for a "good" song on the mp3 player...

as for the brumski.... uh, yeah, sure - if you say we love it well, then... um....

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Me - Thanks!!

Melissa - Dont make me come over there and prove you wrong.

Freak Magnet - I know what you mean. Right now I'm trying to catch my breath typing this comment.

Katt - that was a "low blow". Is it really I'm that bad at oral...or that I'm that good at giving brumskies(sp?)

Elaine - yes the Ipod users...expendable cash having bastards.

Yes Lowry! After brumskiing someone I need an immediate report

Question girl - yes that is a good way to bet through the first few minutes...either that or inject my balls with with anabolics;)

Melissa said...

Prove me wrong.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Melissa - (in my best elvis voice)

have mercy.

Melissa said...

*humming* You're the devil in disguise... oh yes you are...

Butchieboy said...

See if you can trick him into giving her a chilidog.

Melissa said...

Not a trick I would advise you to try...

X. said...

ouhhh it's getting hot in here... Melissa, Katt don't play with the devil, I saw what happens to those who follow hootch into the snake pit.

but hey if you wanna have a taste of hell and heaven, the hootch moaning temple is what ur looking for...


IDigHootchAndCootch said...

butchieboy - or maybe a dirty sanchez

x - very poetic. I didn't think you had it in you. But you are a lover not a fighter so I should have known better.