Thursday, November 29, 2007

Ladies, commence masturbation



Alright. So this is me with the King of all Pimps, Skinny McSlouchy, and his main squeeze, Saggy McHooknose.

I just wanted to give you a visual of the studliness I was dropping at the strip joint. I had chicks all over me. And it wasn't the fact that I spent over $1000 at the joint. It wasn't. The girls really liked me. They really did. I'm sure the same girls would have shown me the same affection even if my pockets were empty and I was ordering tap water all night. They were good girls. Especially the shooter girl who straddled me in a corner of our VIP area and pressed her tits in my face.

Anyway, I'm kinda bummed tonight. I'm watching season five of 24 and motherfucking Edgar dies! I love fucking Edgar. Why did the writers need to kill him off? Damn. Lynn also dies but who gives a fuck. I think Lynn is played by Sean Astin. He's the guy who played the gay hobit in Lord of the Rings.

I'm pretty sure I'd throw it to Chloe from 24. Apart from the fact she has a vagina and a mouth, physically she's not my type at all. However, I find her radical lack of social skills appealing. I imagine we'd be doing it sidewinder style and all of a sudden she would bark at me "you call this fucking!?!?"

What I dont get about Chole is why she has that expression on her face like she's always smelling something horrible. Is that her natural expression, or is she acting? Its like someone dirty sanchezed her. Maybe thats a plot development that will unfold later on in the story arc. I bet it was Edgar. I bet Edgar dirty sanchezed Chloe. Yeah. I bet Edgar dirty sanchezed Chloe and once CTU finds out, they'll try and bring Edgar back to life by cloning him using the microscopic shit stains and cells from his lower instestine that he left underneath Chloe's nose. Bingo. I bet thats it, motherfuckers.

17 comments:

Freak Magnet said...

Damn man. My finger's worn out.

kismetic said...

Anyone who's read the first half of The Game knows how to work it in a strip club. The fact that your parents managed to pass on the moderately better half of their respective genes is irrelevant.

Franki said...

Oh man. In the mall with your parents. What's the world comin to?

kismetic said...

I feel the need to note that this is clearly an airport.

Wow, crazy can't keep her mouth shut. Hott!

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

freak magnet - congratulations for the perfect comment!

kismetic - I wonder how successful I'd be if I introduced myself as "nostyle".

Secondly, strip club pickups and normal club pick ups are two completely different beasts.

franki - uncle from my mom's side. My dad is hardcore. I'd rock any venue with my pops.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

kismetic - airport in Athens. Went there to watch the olympics and to bed world class athletes. I was successful on one occasion.

His name was Sven.

J7 L7+ said...

I don't know how you handle 24. I watched about 30 seconds of it and just got stressed out. Sutherland needs to roll up some of satan's lettuce and stop yelling at people about imminent explosions.

Yo Momma said...

freak magnet: don't do it manually girl..for something as magnificent as a picture of hootch, a battery operated friend is in order.

Me said...

Well, now I have something to do this morning...

Franki said...

Ladies...with his mom watching?

Power up Photoshop.

Jackass Jenn said...

I could've sworn you were black.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

J7 - jack bauer on cheeba is a hilarious concept

yo momma - congratulations! Tied for the greatest and most truthful comment ever

me - let me know how I was

franki - that is my aunt. please tell me I DONT resemble her (although the fact that everyone seemed to think they were my parents is a little disconcerting)

j.jenn - only the penis part

Franki said...

jesus...i'm all kindsa confused aren't i?

Me said...

It was good. Very, very good.

Jackass Jenn said...

what a perfect package

Melissa said...

Utterly stricken and tragically disappointed. I just knew you were rocking that Greek god look like Brad Pitt in Troy. I guess it's ok that you look more like Orlando Bloom's Paris...

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Melissa - ("I guess it's ok that you look more like Orlando Bloom's Paris...") Someone once told me it was more like Who's the boss' Tony Danza.