Saturday, November 03, 2007

it must have been love...but its over now

The Cameron Diaz chick with the fat ass is even more pretty than I remember. At work, the other day, as I turned the corner and headed for the Cosmetics booth, I nearly ran into her. I stood there, face to face with possibly the most beautiful girl I've even seen in my life and was unable to say anything. "SAY SOMETHING, YOU DOLT!!" my mind yelled in command but my eyes and heart could not comply. I just stood there staring. It could have been for a few seconds or half an hour, it was hard to tell. The Cameron Diaz chick with the fat ass was so beautiful the laws of time and space did not apply where we stood.

Finally she broke the silence. In the nano-second it took for her words to reach my ears I contemplated the possibility that she was gonna ask me on a date, or to the movies, or to sit on my face. But instead she sneered and said "why dont you take a picture, it lasts longer".

Wow.

What a cunt.

"I would but I don't have a panoramic, wide lens to fit your ass in the shot".

And with that, I'm pretty sure I blew any chance of hooking up with Cameron Diaz with the fat ass.

8 comments:

Me said...

You seriously said that??? God, you're my hero.

I wish I had the nerve to say stuff like that to people. :)

Franki said...

Wow, time and space laws really did not apply if you were able to come up with the perfect comeback at the exact right moment.

kismetic said...

Wow, hootch, you are so sweet.

I actually read this entire entry because there is nothing about stocks in it.

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

thats hilarious. and who knows, maybe she'll sit on your face for being such a smart ass.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

me - I wouldn't ordinarily but a broken heart sometimes does odd things.

franki - normally, I'd be in the shower, three days after the incident, when the line would come to me.

kismetic - thanks, I know. it takes a special kind of douche to use the word "cunt" and still talk about the sensitive side of a man's soul.

lastlife - if she wants to sit on my face, thats fine. But because she was such a bitch I'm not gonna bust out my "A" moves.

Elaine said...

LOL! God bless a smart ass like yourself.

She's one of those girls that you donkey punch while you have sex with her.

2 Dollar Productions said...

You should have mentioned that your face seats five. That probably wouldn't have helped now that I think about it.

But it's NEVER over, and some things are worth pursuing - like Diaz w/ a fat ass and hopefully less annoying.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Sounds like she is a major bitch!

You should have told her you weren't looking at her you were in shock at the size of her fat ass! LOL