Monday, November 26, 2007

Tommy's Party

Oh, man. That was way too much fun, yo! Tommy's party started off at Sterg's house. Me, Mally and Pistol Pete got there first and set everything up, busting out the GreyGoose and the Cheetos. I was fucking starving.

Mally: Should we order a pizza?

Hootch: Do it, man. I am fucking starving. I think the lining of my stomach is beginning to digest itself.

Pistol: Maybe we should have picked up something on the way. The food is gonna take a while to get here.

Hootch: Its alright. I had a Snickers, before.

Mally: Oh, was it one of those new oversized Snickers you were telling me about?

Hootch: Yeah, the fucking thing is huge. When I was eating it, it felt like I was holding John Holmes' dick. It was practically like a homosexual experience.

Pistol: How come? Did you eat it, or stick it up your ass?

Once we were all gathered, stuffed our faces and were rocking a nice buzz, we decided to hit the road and make our way to the peelers. The taxis arrived all at the same time and we all got in. Pistol called in ahead and set us up with bottle service and a reserved section of the joint. It was tight. Our waitress told us we were the first party to be allowed in that section of the club since they've renovated. It was nice. Lots of space. Lots of couches and chairs and a great vantage point where we could see all the girls in the club.

Almost as soon as we arrived the 3 bottles, we ordered in advance, came. We all toasted Tommy and told him if his nose was not 2 inches away from snatch, all night, we were not doing our job. With that said, I grabbed 2 girls, gave Tommy 2 bills and told him to take them in the back. I grabbed one of the girls before she left with the other and Tommy. "Hey, its my friend's birthday today so if you three all get along you'll probably be back there with him until close".

5 songs later Tommy comes back.

Hootch: How were they, Tommy?

Tommy: They fucking sucked.

Sterg: Why, what happened?

Tommy: All they did was sit on my lap and talk to each other. They didn't even dance or nothing!

Sterg: What were they talking about?

Tommy: I dunno, some party they are going to afterwards, or something. While they were talking I tried to grab one's ass and she slapped my face and called security!

Hootch: What happened?

Tommy: Security told me next time that happens they'll kick me out.

Sterg: What did you do next?

Tommy: I told the girls to start dancing but they said "your 5 songs are over" and got dressed and left.

Oh, man. I thought that was hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing. Poor bastard.

Fuck, I have a ton more from Tommy's party I'll get to within the next few days, if you're interested. Right now I gotta catch up on some sleep.


9 comments:

Franki said...

So you stuck it up your ass then? You crack me up.

Me said...

Oh my Lord. Tommy does not have the same type of skills that you and Mally have. ;)

A. said...

that's why I love my favourite rippers club in Amsterdam, strippers in T.O are way too spoiled !

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

franki - no, I didn't stick it in my ass... this time.

me - come on! I may have some deficiencies but dont lump me in with the likes of Mally, please.

a.- haha. I'd love to see you in action in Amsterdam. Keep it hot in europe, brother.

Me said...

Hehehe. Oh, you know I'm just kidding.

Yes, I think there's something *special* about Mally (take that as you may), but you're the one who really gets me going.

;)

Franki said...

Yeah. Whatevs.

2 Dollar Productions said...

Man 3 bottles doesn't guarantee you the VIP treatment it used to.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

$2 - we ordered 2 more afterwards. Tommy was puking well into the next evening.

It was awesome.

Franki said...

Excellent.