The best date I can imagine

You come over to my house. We order and eat a tonne of Chinese food. We watch House of Flying Daggers. Sometime during our movie watching, your desire for my wang in your mouth overwhelms you and you jump me. We fuck a few times. You fall asleep and I watch tv for the rest of the night.

I wake up the next morning to find to you have already left... but not before cleaning my house and leaving me all the leftover Chinese food. I have the General Tsao's chicken for breakfast. Its delicious. I contemplate calling you back for some morning anal. I decide against it as I dont wanna risk the possibility of you taking it as an invitation to stay the entire day. I masturbate instead.

I re-enact all the fight scenes from House of Flying Daggers with a pillow. I kick the pillows ass. However, somehow the pillow has managed to bust my lip. Fucking pillow.

I turn on the tv. The basketball game is about to begin. I call the neighborhood bookie and bet a 50 on the team with the most black guys. I lose the 50. Luckily though I find your purse by my front door. I riffle through the purse's contents and take all the cash. $100. I take your purse and step outside. With all my strength I launch your purse as far as I can. I'm hoping it lands in my bookie's backyard. I cant tell for sure. I'll be happy though if it made it as far as the Mexican's house.

I step back inside my home and call the police. I tell them I overheard the neighbourhood bookie and the Mexican talk about how they stole a purse they found on the street. I tell them they plan on using the cash and credit cards to fund an existing gambling operation and to assist Pakistanis and Tamils in finding permanent residence in Nebraska.