Wednesday, February 27, 2008

conversation at work

Hootch: Hey, what's going on?

Babyface: Not much. Me and prettygreekgirl finally did it.

Hootch: You did?! Thats awesome, man.

Babyface: It took me long enough.

Hootch: I thought you guys were only going out for 2 weeks.

Babyface: We have. I thought the blue balls were gonna kill me.

Hootch: You are my fucking hero.

Babyface: What about you and HBC? Have you guys... (does his weird arm gesture that I imagine means "had sex")

Hootch: A gentleman never kisses and tells.

Babyface: ...

Hootch: She gave me a blowjob on our first date (I lied).

Babyface: Fuck, I almost jizzed right there thinking about HBC giving peepa (blowjob in greek), you lucky fuck.

Hootch: Hey, I thought I told you to text me when you were about to deflower PGG.

Babyface: I almost did. It was so retarded. We were at my house and I was in my bathroom looking for my Magnum Xtra Large Condoms... (laughs)

Hootch: (laughing) Shyyaat up. I dont care how many times we use that joke, its, like, the best ever.

Babyface: I was in the bathroom. She was waiting for me in my bedroom. I had the text all written out and was about to hit "send" but I thought "what the fuck am I doing? I'm sending Hootch a text, like I'm a hero, cuz I finally busted a nut on prettygreekgirl?! She's not even that pretty".

Hootch: What?!

Babyface: Ahh, I dont think prettygreekgirl is all that pretty.

Hootch: WHAT?!

Babyface: I dont, man. I shouldn't have even asked her out. I only asked her out cuz you kept going on about her being hot and an unappreciated beauty in the pharmacy. I dont even think she makes my top 5 in the pharmacy, dude.

Hootch: You're crazy, guy. PGG has been holding down the number one spot on my top 3 list in the pharmacy ever since I started working in this shithole.

Babyface: No. No way.

Hootch: Want me to hit you with some truth? Dont get hurt now. BAMM!! Top three: (1) PGG, (2) SuperhotChineseJailBait, and (3) CameronDiazlookalikebutwithabighead.

Babyface: And you're calling me crazy, HBC isn't in your top 3?! You're insane! Dude, every guy in here thinks she's the best looking girl in the store by far except you.

Hootch: I know. I know she's alright but I only asked her out cuz she made it, like, practically a sure thing. She essentially invited herself to come with me to the basketball game that first night.

Babyface: Why didn't you say "no".

Hootch: I would have felt bad if I told her "no".

Babyface: How come? Cuz she's so nice?

Hootch: No, cuz I didn't want to disappoint you guys.

Babyface: She's fucking hot, dude. I'd waaay rather be banging HBC.

Hootch: Yeah, and I'd rather be with PGG.

Babyface: ...

Hootch: Holy fuck, its like we're in a fucking episode of Three's Company.

Babyface: Maybe we can talk to the girls and arrange to have a foursome and in the middle I can just take HBC and you can take PGG.

Hootch: Ya, but if Mr. Furly catches us he'll kick us out of the apartment for sure.

Babyface: Guy, I'm not a geezer like you. I have no idea who the fuck Mr. Furley is.


2 Dollar Productions said...

You should have ended that conversation with a quick rabbit punch to the kidneys. Mr. Furley would approve.

Franki said...

Grass IS always greener huh?

J7 L7+ said...

Ah yah, the old switcheroo, fun to plan, hard to do.

Yo Momma said...

an orgy will solve everything?

he doesn't know Mr. Furley!?!?!? Please tell me you are no longer friends...

Yo Momma said...

Um... I meant
AN ORGY WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING! Minus that question mark like I'm unsure of that shit.
Yes an orgy will solve everything...well, most things...but its a good go-to when you're all out of plans.

Franki said...


J7 L7+ said...

Yo, did Hootch fucking die or something? Can someone go check his apartment and make sure he's not rotting away in the bathroom, being eaten by cats or some shit? Seriously.

Come on Hootch. No one needs a whole month off. Get back on your saddle. I don't care who you broke up with. This shit ain't funny.

Yo Momma said...

is everything aight?? why you not be updatin yo?

Melissa said...

Dude, put out the blunt, throw the stripper out of your bed, tell Mally to unchain the midget and post something.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

an orgy IS in order. get some rumplemintz, a 'script of cialis (why settle for an orgy that lasts any less than 6 hours?), rubber sheets, and you'll be able to work out who's hotter and whatnot in no time!