Tommy: Hey, Hootch. Me and you have always been pretty tight, right? I mean, if I tell you something in confidence you're not going to immediately rat me out to my brother, right?
Hootch: Yeah, Tommy, me and you are cool. Why? Whats going on? You okay?
Tommy: Yeah, yeah. Its about the new girl I'm seeing. I think tonight we may have sex for the first time with each other and I'm a little nervous. You know its been a little while since my last girlfriend...
Hootch: Dont worry about it, brother. I bet she is way more nervous than you are. There is no pressure. Just have fun. Enjoy it, man.
Tommy: What about condoms? Before I'd just steal a Trojan from my brother, but now he's stopped using condoms with his chick.
Hootch: Your brother is barebacking it?
Tommy: Anyway, with the condom, what kind should I use?
Hootch: Well, if she's dirty, grab the thickest fucking condom you can buy... and then wear two.
Tommy: No, come on, man. I'm serious.
Hootch: Okay. Alright. Sorry. What kind were you thinking of buying.
Tommy: What about those special kind. The... ah... the... whatchuma call them? The ruffles kind.
Hootch: Ruffles?! Holy fuck, Tommy. I dont know if you mean "ribbed" or if you're planning on sticking your dick in a bag of potato chips.