Saturday, July 28, 2007

the bookmakers are running scared

I won the football game yesterday thanks to Winnipeg scoring 19 points in the 4rth quarter. Today, so far I have the under (49.5) on the Saskatchewan RoughRiders vs Edmonton Eskimos game. "Eskimos"... I'm not certain thats all so politically correct. It may not be regarded as bad as naming a team the Vatican City Child Molesters but still, I think its time to put an end to all derogatory and insensitive team names, no?

Perhaps more on this later on. Its football time now.

later on.

fuck. I got smoked on the over. It wasn't even close. Edmonton's defense sucked monkey cock all game long. Now I know my emotions are running high cuz I lost some money but really I still think I can provide some objective analysis to the game. My completely objective, empirical, scientifically proven take: I am fucking better than every single player on the Eskimos.

I'm chasing the afternoon loss by taking the B.C. Lions (+2.5) over the Calgary Stampeders. I really know nothing about either team but the game is on tv and I got a jones to fix.

Today really has been pretty great, though. I've done nothing all day but chill with newchinesegirl, watch the Godfather movies and bet on football. For most of the day NCG has been beside me reading Harry Potter.

While the football game was in the 2nd quarter she put down Harry Potter and said:

NCG: Wanna make love?

Hootch: aaaaa, yeah, I guess. Can we do it here though so I can still watch tv?

NCG: That doesn't sound very romantic

Hootch: Dont worry, baby. Its gonna be unbelievable. Maybe I'll dim the lights a little, get out the candles, turn on a little music.

NCG: That sounds nice.

Hootch: Alright. Now go upstairs in the closet and bring down the sex towel.

NCG: Whats the sex towel?

Hootch: Its the towel I use when I have sex in the tv room to make sure the couch or the carpet dont get any stains on them. This shit is expensive, you know?

NCG: The "sex towel" doesn't sound too romantic.

Hootch: Well, my mom is coming over tomorrow. What do you want me to tell her? "No, dont worry about that splotch on the couch, Ma, thats just a shot of my jizzwad".

I also just took the BoSox (-120) over Tbay. Dont know why the line is so low but too juicy not to take.


Freak Magnet said...

lol How do you find women and keep them with that attitude? Not only must you make bank, you've probably got a big schlong, too.

Me said...

Yeah...every guy seems to have more money if he has a big monster cock.

Why else would I call him whenever I take a hit of Xtasy? ;)

H.Wood said...

I named my sex towel "RoughRider." For a while, I had two different towels named RoughRider.

tinakala said...

Dude, you`re so prepared for everything. We have the towels in living room and in the car. The softer one has a bonus feature: knees get a lot less sore.

2 Dollar Productions said...

I hate betting on baseball, and the "sex towel" is one of the best names I've heard for one as we all have them - all of us. For the reasons you mentioned.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

freak magnet - big schlong, hahaha... oh gawd, no.

me - I actually roll up $5 bills aroud my penis to give the appearance of girth.

H - very nice.

tinakala - the softer towels dont stay soft very long after they've been called for clean-up duty several times.

$2 - Yesterday, it was either betting on baseball or Lithuanian Idol