Dear Hamilton Tiger Cats,
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but as long as your Quarterback's name is Chang and your starting running back is a white Canadian you may never win another football game again.
Now, I know I'm not a professional scout or anything, and I know Timmy Chang set all sorts of records while at the University of Hawaii, but come on, this is professional football...even if it is Canadian. For sure it'll disrupt the balance of the Universe if a Chang finds success as a quarterback. What's next? A black guy drawing anime!?! I mean, if part of playing quarterback entailed putting together a computer or solving complicated calculus equations, then I'm sure Timmy Chang could be your man... but it doesn't, so he isn't. Sorry.
Same deal for Jesse Lumsden, your Canadian running back. Dudes, you have a double whammy going against you - (1), your starting runningback is white; (2) he's Canadian. What were you thinking!?! I mean, fuck, you may have been better off with a one-legged black American runningback. If you were looking for someone to perform lumberjack duties around the stadium or someone to shoot a puck into a net, then fine, I could understand you going with Jesse Lumsden as opposed to a one-legged black American, but as runningback... i just dont get it. Enjoy getting blown out