Sunday, August 27, 2006

Charles Bronson vs Hootch

Not because I think I'm mother-fucking Charles Bronson in Death Wish, but more so because I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to heed good advice.

When I was younger I used to get in fights pretty often. If there was a brawl in a pool hall I was usually in the middle of it. If there was an altercation on the basketball court chances are I'd be involved. If there were a couple of goofs chucking knuckles at the peelers, dollars to donuts I'd be one of those goofs.

One time, I remember when I was in high school, I came home late for dinner with a couple of scraped knuckles and a bloody lip. My Dad saw me and correclty guessed I had got into a fight. He took me aside, before my mother and sister could see me and asked what had happended. I told him I ran into the school nazi. We had a disagreement regarding political philosophy. The nazi tried to tazer me and I broke his nose.

My Dad told me he understands there are some fights that are impossible to walk away from. But he also told me that 99% of confrontations can be dealt with through non-violent means.

"Walking away should always be your first option", my Dad would say.

"Aww, but Dad I smoked this guy. I knew I could take him".

"You might be able to handle yourself but what about your mom and your sister?"

"What have they got to do with any of this?"

"Have you considered that each time you get into a fight you are endangering the safety of your family? Do you know if the school nazi followed you home? Does he know you have a sister who will be going to your highschool next year?"

"But Dad..."

"What happens if the guy had a gun, or if he had some other friends waiting for you. You never know what can happen in a fight, son. Think of how your mother and sister would feel if anything bad had happened to you. Think of how I would feel.


"I'm not saying you should never get in a fight, Hootch. I'm just saying when there is the possibility of walking away, but you choose to fight, I want you to ask yourself one question - is it worth it? Okay?


"Now go upstairs and clean yourself up. I dont want your mom to see you like this... she'll have a cow."

Last week I found myself in not one but two dust-ups. Fucking crazy. The events that unfolded that lead to each fight were so unlikely it was, like, a freak occurence that the first fight happened, let alone the second. And to tell you the truth I dont know if either scrap was worth it.


kattbanjo said...

two fights? Jeez..I am terrified of confrontation. I need someone like you in my corner. I am a TOTAL wuss...I don't know if they were worth it..Was it in defense of newcooch's honor?? Or did you take out the anime girl's boyfriend...

question girl said...

isn't amazing (ok, and freaky too) how our parents "words of wisdom" come back to haunt us

Melissa said...

You doing ok, sugar?

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

omg your a total stud

Freak Magnet said...

You don't get into fights for no reason, and that's the best part of the fight, so get on with it and tell us, Hootch.

Before I wipe the floor with your ass.