Saturday, August 19, 2006

From the depths of Depravity... is "depravity" even a word? Anyway...

Been occupying myself the past couple of days watching Buffy, The Vampire Slayer (season 6 and 7). Fucking great stuff.

Anyway, the below is a conversation I had with my friends a few weeks ago, a month, I dunno. We were hanging out at Sterg's house. Most of the guys were playing cards. I was watching tv.

Sterg: Anyone seen Mally?

Kos: I think he's in the bathroom.

Tommy: Still, I've been holding a shit for, like, 20 minutes
(90% of the conversations with my friends begin like this)

Fusis: What are you watching?

Hootch: Gilmore Girls. You can change the channel in a second, tho. I just want to see what episode they're showing.

Fusis: Which one is it?

Hootch: I cant tell yet. They all begin with the same fucked up teaser where the mom and daughter talk so fast you can hardly understand what's going on.

Kos: Every episode they talk this fast? At first I thought they speaking Spanish

Hootch: Yeah, every episode. I'm pretty sure tho I just heard Lorelai say something about "mazola oil", "gerbils" and "anal penetration".

Sterg: You're fucking retarded.

Hootch: Maybe. But the show is fucking awesome.

Tommy: I thought the Gilmore Girls was only for pre-pubescent chicks and their fat over-the-hill moms' who still think they're cool in their fat-over-the-hill mom jeans.

Hootch: No man. The Gilmore Girls transcends both gender, age and fashion sense. It tackles universal issues we can all relate to. Issues that cut to the core of being Human. You know, the need to love, to be loved, the need to belong.

Fusis: Oh yeah? Sounds deep.

Hootch: Yeah... Plus Alexis Bledel is fuckin hot.

Sterg: Is she the mom?

Fusis: She's the daughter.

Kos: The mom is hot.

Fusis: The mom is ugly, dude.

Kos: It figures you think the mom is ugly.

Fusis: Whats that supposed to mean?

Kos: All the chicks you like, Fusis, are jailbait.

Fusis: What?! No... Like who?

Kos: Like who?! What about Hilary Duff.

Fusis: Okay, fine. ONE chick I like is kinda young.

Kos: Rhianna.

Fusis: Alright, two. But you cant really hold Rhianna on me. Everyone thinks she's hot.

Hootch: If someone gave me the choice between peace in the middle east and Rhianna... it wouldn't even be close, dude.

Kos: Lindsay Lohan.

Sterg: (shaking his head in disgust) You like Lindsay Lohan, guy?

Kos: Cassie.

Fusis: NO!! I dont even know who Cassie is!

Sterg: She's the black chick that sings "Me and U"

Fusis: Oh yeah... She's hot.

Kos: Ciara.

Tommy: I heard she was a man once.

Fusis: I'd still throw it to her.

Kos: Jojo

Hootch: Fusis likes the black guy from KC and Jojo?!

Kos: Naw. Jojo the the white chick who sings "A Little Too Late" and "Get Out" .

Sterg: Holy fuck Fusis!! Isn't she, like, 8.

Fusis: She's almost 18. And all I said was that she was a cute kid. I didn't mean anything sexual by it. You guys are fucked.

Sterg: Sure, Fusis. You sick bastard.

Fusis: Listen, just because you guys objectify every single woman you encounter and only see them as a means to satisfy your most base, primal sexual urges doesn't mean that I do too, alright?

Hootch: What?! I soooo do not objectify cootches.

(telephone rings. Tommy picks it up.)

Tommy: Hey Kostakis is on the phone. He's at the rippers. He wants to know if we wanna meet him down there.

Fusis: The titty bar!! Oh, hell yeah. Lets go.


2 Dollar Productions said...

What kind of conversation starts with a dissertation on the virtues of "The Gilmore Girls" and ends at a strip?

A good one.

Me said...

"Fusis likes the black guy from KC and Jojo?!"


(He probably does like him too, you know!)

You know, girls have the same kind of conversations at times. :)

question girl said...


the irony hooch, is that i would feel right at home during that conversation & i probably would participate

but you are - they DO talk fast on GG

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

uh oh. i guess this makes me the outcast. i hardly watch tv. so, ive never seen an episode of buffy (though ive been told its good) and gilmore girls. like i know of it, but.. no, ive never seen one episode.

by the way, "What are you watching?"
normally i get asked the question "what are you wearing" more...

Elaine said...

Tommy: I thought the Gilmore Girls was only for pre-pubescent chicks and their fat over-the-hill moms' who still think they're cool in their fat-over-the-hill mom jeans.

DAMN. Tommy NAILED the description of that show.

I would do the mom before the daughter though.. although I'd need the red gag ball for both of them. Talky ass cootches they are....

Freak Magnet said...

OMG Buffy is awesome. So is Angel. I onced watched Angel for, like, 15 hours straight.

It was freaking awesome.

kattbanjo said...

LOVE LOVE Buffy! HAve all seasons on dvd. You lost some man points for watching Gilmore Girls, though.....