Friday, August 11, 2006

This Is My Blog On Smirnoff

Before I continue with the retardation that was Huner's bachelor party I gotta say, the anime girl, today at work, looked fuckin' fabulous. Unbelievable. The best I've ever seen her look. Now, of course, she hates my fucking guts, but that's besides the point. Well... technically its not so much besides the point as it is actually exactly the fuckin point.

The anime girl hates me. I've learned to accept it. She somehow got the impression that I don't take work too seriously. And that bugs her. It goes against the grain of her utilitarian all work and no play philosophy. I never thought I was that bad at work but still... I guess it doesn't help when I spend half the day chasing NewCootch around the office trying to flick her with elastic bands, as she's laughing and yelling "Hootch, the last elastic you hit me with is caught in my cleavage".

Maybe I should make more of an effort to be serious and robot-like at work. Maybe that would impress the anime girl. Maybe I should make more of an effort to wear ugly-ass dress shoes instead of my Wade1's. Maybe then the anime girl would come up to my desk and say "Hootch, your steadfast dedication to the company really makes my clit tingle. Quick, bend me over the photocopier". Or maybe she'll run into me in the cafeteria and say "Hootch, I find your soulless and robot-like efficiency arousing. Prepare to have me sit on your face."

Hmmhh. Something I should think about anyway... and by "think about" I, of course, don't actually mean "thinking" per se, but something more along the lines of getting wasted and scouring the streets of Toronto for skanky chicks.


Me said...

Ohh...if she can't appreciate the fun Hootch we have all come to love, well, then there is something wrong with her.

You go find some skanky chicks now!

question girl said...

a true woman would NEVER ask her man to wear ugly shoes

kattbanjo said...

I cant beleive she can resist you! I think you and newcooch are getting pretty chummy!

Freak Magnet said...

I say to hell with Miss Stick in the Mud. But you can't, can you? Wear her down!! Before you know it, you'll be sticking your stick in her mud.

2 Dollar Productions said...

I think those lines were golden and you might throw in one about your ability to fax documents makes you slicker than cum on a gold tooth and that she should meet you in the break-room to discuss the merits of that statement - whatever those may be.

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

well its obvious youve been fantasizin about her. what are you waitin for ? ;)

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

me - appreciate the kind words as always...and your encouragement regarding skanky chicks

question girl - Unfortunatley, I find all dress shoes appalling (sp?)

Katt - I know, eh?! Anime must be some sort of soulless robot to be able to resist my come hither looks.

Freak - just like running water from a river can breakdown and erode rock on the riverbank, I too have a 1000 year plan for anime.

2 dollar - cum on a gold tooth - whatta line!! izat yours?

lastlife - tried several weeks back. Got rejected. S'alright though. I got no problem with that type of stuff. Still Anime is crazy good looking. You know the type of good looking when you look at someone so insanely beautiful you begin to question whether they're even human (cuz no human has ever looked that good). Sure ya do. I bet you experience that every day when you look in the mirror.


lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

oh. actually my mirror breaks each time i look at it. all in all, i have about 1176 broken mirrors.

and... thanks. its her loss.

drëâmè® said...

awww... well if she doesn't care she aint worth it :)

and... I saw a prostitute on the streets of toronto last week :'( It scared me.

Elaine said...

I love your blog on Smirnoff.