Okay. So here I am today drinking an ungodly amount of Metamucil trying to counter the affects of the Popeye's fried chicken skin and grease that have conspired to form some sorta impenetrable airtight seal inside my asshole.
I ate Popeye's fried chicken, yesterday, for the first time and since then I haven't shit. Not once. Not even a little nugget. Its been more than 36 hours and thats unheard of for me. I'm normally good for 3 shits every 2 days - one shit each morning and another "wildcard" shit throughout the course of the remaining timeperiod.
Seriously, immediate action is required. I'm about to shoot a large bowl of Raisin Bran up my ass. Do I have everything I need? Let me take an inventory:
Raisin Bran Cereal - check.
Skim Milk - check.
Mazola Oil (for lubrication) - check.
Industrial Sized Turkey Baster - check.
Okay, I'm all ready. "I'm going in" says the Turkey Baster.
If I die in some sorta self-administered enema type of accident, please pull the turkey baster out of my ass before the authorities find my body.
Wish me luck.