Monday, August 07, 2006

Huner's Bachelor Party; Part I

Me, Sterg and Mally took Huner out for his bachelor party last week. We took him to a high-end joint on the west side of Toronto. The place was filled with Eurotrash chicks with fake tans and fake tits. Perfect for Huner and Sterg as implants are the first things they look for on a girl. Mally really doesn't have any preference, fake titties or no, as he will fuck anything with a pulse.

We arrived at the rippers' around 9pm. I was a little crusty so to tell you the truth I didn't make much of an effort to dress up. Most of the patrons in the joint were dressed in business attire or business casual. I was wearing my black Elevator to Hell t-shirt, blue jeans that hung off my ass and my Dwane Wade's. I wasn't there to socialize. I wasn't there to show off my latest fashions. I was only there to drink myself into oblivion and to split the cost of Huner pressing his face into a couple of implants.


We grabbed a table and settled in:

Huner: Do you guys know any girls here?
S: No. I dont think so.
Huner: (to me and Sterg) You guys realise between the two of you, your last 3 girlfriends have all been strippers?
S: Have they?
Huner: Yeah, Marianne, Tera and Laura.
S: Oh.
Huner: Why do you think that is?
Hootch: Probably cuz I crave dysfunctional relationships, with slutty girls, that are certain to end in complete and unmitigated catastrophe.
Mally: Huh?
Hootch: Translation - Cuz I'm a fuckin idiot.
S: I just cant go out with normal girls anymore. Its like, 10 minutes into our first date I'm thinking "why isn't this chick straddling me?"

I've heard Sterg say this before and I laugh every time. I can so relate. The gap between normal dating expectations and what I have grown accustomed to is so wide its disgusting. Its sickening. Its really quite sad. Its absolutely unacceptable. I also find it pretty hilarious in a "lets laugh at how much of an ingrate I've become in the last few years" kind of way.

I'm such a disease and an asshole of epic proportions its unbelievable.


7 comments:

Melissa said...

Ya big drama queen. :) If all you want is to get laid, then you're on the right track. If you want more than that, not so much...

WV: joxrs
heh.

MTC said...

I see where your comming from


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Me said...

Why do I get the feeling you looked pretty good, even though you claimed not to be trying? Hmm...

Freak Magnet said...

You know you'll be sucked from manhood if you ever come to that conclusion, don't you? They'll make you into a woman now that you've seen the error of your ways. Women rock.

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

hey ill straddle you. not in 10 mins though.

Elaine said...

Just step out of the closet and yell, "TOM CRUISE IS FAGULOUS AND SO AM I!!!"

Just kidding ..I can smell your manliness from here.

Lowry said...

Never lower your expectations on dates/relationships, no matter what you're used to. Normal expectation might be way too high for some of the dates you had, but they should still go well.