Tuesday, May 06, 2008

May 6, 2008 (afternoon ramblings)

I booked the rest of this week off from work. I was only scheduled to go in 3 days from 5 to 10 but I asked the Malbomber if he wanted to take my shifts. Mally recently bought a condo and he somehow thinks making $9 an hour 3 days a week is gonna help him cover his mortgage. He has a real job that pays pretty well but I guess the extra work at the pharmacy eases his mind a little and keeps him out of trouble.

With the weather warming up the girls at the store, workers and customers, are looking prettier and prettier. Ever since university, spring has always been my favorite time of year. Spring because its when all the girls begin to shed their winter clothing and you see skin again for the first time in months. Multi-layered halter tops or spaghetti straps turns just about any female into my fantasy woman. A few weeks ago I saw CameronDiazLookaLikeButWithaLargerHead take off her work shirt at the end of her shift. It was just me and her in the lunch room and she pulled off her shirt revealing a LuLu Lemon spaphetti strap thingy. I almost blasted a whole right there in my underwear.

"You want me to leave?" I asked

"No, its alright". She answered.

Totally awesome, I thought. Please let her take off her pants and underwear next.

There are alot of fucking hot girls that come in the store. I mean, it doesn't do me any good cuz I really doubt any chick is gonna see me and say "wow. That 34 year old man making $9 an hour is totally hot". Its funny cuz whenever I'm engaged in a conversation with any customer I always make it a priority to point out that working at the pharmacy is not my real job.

Female Customer: Do you have any astroglide cuz I'm such a nympho I just about fuck every guy that has a real job

Hootch: Ahhh, I'm not certain. I'm pretty sure we do but let me double check. I'm only here two days a week. This is not my real job, you know.

Female Customer: Oh, its not. Where else do you work.

Hootch: Well, technically I dont work anywhere else.

Female Customer: Oh, so you're unemployed?

Hootch: Oh, no. I day-trade.

Female Customer: Cool (already unzipping my pants) . You mean like with Morgan Stanley or somethinig.

Hootch: No, ahhh...actually in my basement. I just day trade by myself through my discount broker account.

Female Customer: Ohhhhhh, (sounding disappointed and zipping my pants back up). Can you hurry up with the astro-glide please. I think the crazy guy on the corner who dances for spare change makes more money than you and I'm totally gonna sit on his face.


Me said...

You're 34? Never would have guessed that. It's good though.

It's weird...I hate spring for the same reason you like it: people expect me to start showing skin, which isn't always fun--you know, depending on the self-esteem I've got going that day. LOL.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

when i worked at a gas station, i always pointed out that i was in school... youd get these assweasels who think they are better than you because of their shitty middle management job, and i think it's important to put them in their place and remove that bit of dignity from them.

Yo Momma said...

hahahahaha! You should have kept the whole Morgan Stanley lie going. Good to see you're back to blogging..although it looks like you've BEEN back and I'm just now catching up.

FYI: I might have to take you up on that NY connection in August. I'm already planning a trip back!

Franki said...

Ahhh, dis is da Hootch we loved and missed.

It's gonna be 83 today. I think I'm wearing a tube top to school.

Jake Titus said...

How true, hot chicks always go for the guy with the harley or the crazy guy that's not afraid to dance.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

me- I know, old, huh? Dont lie.

t.m - even middle management fucks think their king compared to my position.

yo momma - just let me know and I'll see what I can do. That fucker owes me.

franki - 83 and still setting hearts on fire.

jake - I can greek folk dance... unfortunately that doesn't seem to impress the girls at the clubs.