Monday, May 14, 2007

(quick weekend recollections before work) conversation at a wedding


Paul:
Have you seen Spiderman 3 yet?
Hootch: No. I might go Sunday.
Paul: I heard it wasn't that good.
Hootch: I heard the same thing but I liked the first two.
Paul: I didn't even like the first 2 that much. I think Toby Magauire is miscast as Spiderman.
Hootch: Toby? I think he's alright. Why who would you have play Spiderman?
Paul: I dunno. That's a tough one.
Hootch: I heard when auditions for the first movie were being held, Freddie Prinze jr was lobbying hard for the part.
Paul: Yeah, someone like Freddie Prinze would have been good.
Hootch: Naaah, Freddie is too pretty. Peter Parker has to be common or unremarkable looking. He's like the "everyman", you know.
Paul: You're right. Oh!! you know who would have made a good spiderman? Jason Biggs!
Hootch: What?!? Holy fuck, Paul how much have you had to drink? Jason Biggs as Spiderman?!? First of all, isn't Jason Biggs Jewish? A Jewish Spiderman, holy shit. "Shalom from your friendly neighbourhood spiderman". I dont think that would work, man. You'd see the outline of his yamaka through his spiderman outfit....secondly, his shnaz is so big there would be no mystery as to the secret identity of Spiderman. Everyone would know Spiderman would either be Jason Biggs or Gonzo from the Muppets.
Paul: What about that guy who played Robin from Batman and Robin?
Hootch: Chris O' Donnell?
Paul: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Chris O'Donnell.
Hootch: Isn't Chris O'Donnell a midget?
Paul: No man!! He's taller than Toby Maguire.
Hootch: I dunno. Maybe I think O'Donnell looks shorter than Maguire because he's more muscular, you know.
Paul: I dont think O'Donnell is that muscular.
Hootch: Naw, I dont mean conventional Hollywood muscular like Arnold or Stallone. I mean gay-guy muscular with massive thighs and glutes. You know, the type of muscular you get from pumping ass all day?

I think its somewhere around this point when Paul's wife forbid him to talk to me any longer..

9 comments:

2 Dollar Productions said...

I loathe Chris O'Donnell & especially Prinze Jr (bastard is with Sarah Michelle Gellar for no good reason).

That being said, I've heard Spiderman 3 really blows.

nobich said...

I heard that 3 was the best. Go see it just don't bring Paul or his wife for that matter.

Melissa said...

Now see, I'd have done Seth Green as Spider Man. Mostly because he's a twitchy little fucker.

J7 L7+ said...

Spider man is such a wimpy comic character. And there's something so ambiguously gay about him... maybe because he shoots plasma on his victims. Now the Punisher - THERE is a real comic book character. Too bad Hollywood has masacred every super hero flick it's put out in the last 15 years. The Superman with the 3 weird twins in black suits and lasers that shot out of their eyes... now THERE was a good super hero movie.

Me said...

I have no idea what it was about this post...but I literally started cracking up. I think it was the Gonzo line.

My husband just asked if I'm off my meds or something...gee, thanks. ;)

Freak Magnet said...

OMG. I soooo totally want to do Freddie Prinze Jr. I think I'm going to go wank now, thinking about him.

tinakala said...

Prince could play Spiderman. He`s sleazy and sticky enough to climb any wall without any additional spidey-gear.

Elaine said...

LOL! Plus he played Robin...who was like Batman's lover right? Robin can't lower himself to be Spiderman! He's banging Bruce Wayne for heaven's sake!

question girl said...

lmao,how long does she let you two talk about strippers?