I'm pretty sure I'd do just about anything to sleep with Sylvia Saint... rim-job a rhinoceros, sleep on a bed of nails while some motherfucker sledgehammers my torso, or even listen to a Josh Groban CD. I'm also pretty sure if I ever did get the opportunity to make the 2ble backed beast with Ms Saint, she would fuck me into a mindless coma I'd be hard pressed to recover from. Still, I'm practically mindless anyway, so she's well worth the ride.
I've been crushing on Hillary Duff ever since she lost those Franz Kafka bug-eyes. However, my main turn on with Hilary Duff is not her looks. Its the fact that she not only dumped but crushed Good Charlotte's super-douche Joel Madden's heart. That accomplishment is worth my endless admiration. I love watching Joel come off like a sucker and hearing him complain at every opportunity how Hillary did him wrong. That's too funny (you are soooo punk, assmunch). Whats even funnier is how he says he's now happier with Nicole Ritchie. WAAAHAHAHAHA. Sure you are, buddy. That's like going from eating steak to eating turd, one day to the next. Bon Appetite, asshole (the previous being said, I'd still rather eat turd than eat Nicole Richie's snapper).
And the winner is: Against every instinct I hafta go with the tag team of Duff and Rory Gilmore. I mean, with great opportunity comes great responsibility and if I have the opportunity to pour salt in the wound of the worst band in the world, then I gotta take it. Revenge fucking Hilary Duff as payback for Good Charlotte introducing the world to the worst music ever is an X-factor hard to resist. Sorry, Sylvia...one day we will be together.