Friday, May 04, 2007


Jefferson again proved how he is infinitely more man than Carter by taking it to the hole during the Nets' last possession while Carter settled for a 35 footer the play before. Anyway speaking of taking it to the hole, lemme finish off, or at least try to, with NewChineseGirl.

We meet at a bar/danceclub/meat market. She looks good. She is wearing this lacey blue undershirt thing underneath her spaghetti-strap halter top. She sees me and runs up to hug me. She buries her mouth in my ear, whispers and laughs "I'm sooo drunk".

We find a corner far enough away from the bar to buy us a little free space and where its not so loud. The DJ is spinning this completely shit tune and the dance floor is packed with white guys who all think they're Eminem and wigger chicks. Me and NewChineseGirl talk a bit. I'm kinda nervous which is weird cuz I almost never get nervous. I try and hide my nervousness but do a poor job. NCG can tell. She starts laughing again and begins to tease.

NCG: Oh my gawd!! Are you nervous?
Hootch: What!? No. Why would I be nervous?
NCG: (moves in closer, pinching the sides of my waist) Oh my gawd, you are nervous.
Hootch: You're crazy. I'm not nervous. I dont even like you. Why would I be nervous?

Just then Monica's "every time the beat drops" starts playing. NCG tries to pull me on to the dance floor. I like the song but I pull back. "I dont really dance" I say. "Please" she pleads and gives this pouty look. I'm pretty sure making half an effort to dance will buy me at least a handjob by the end of the night... but still, I hate dancing.

Reluctantly I make my way through the sea of wiggers to the dance floor. SexyBack comes on. I like this song also. I do my best to try and relax and dance but I feel like a total fag. I'm about to say "fuck this" and walk away when NCG starts grinding her flat ass up against my dick.

The end of the night and we are back at my place. I got NCG just about naked. I'm in my skidmarked underwear and pit-stained undershirt. We are getting just about to the point where we are gonna hafta call it quits or fuck like bunnies. Either way is okay with me. I leave it up to her. She says she doesn't like to have sex on the first date. I tell her "but when I see you every day at work its like a date, so technically this is like our 50th date or something". She doesn't buy it but like I said thats alright with me - I'll bend her over the couch tomorrow or the next day.

I go to kiss her again and you can imagine my suprise, given what she had just said, when she started licking and making her way down my chest. "Oh man, is she gonna blow me?" I thought to myself then laughed a little cuz I dont think I've ever asked myself that question before and it sounds pretty ridiculous.

NCG: (sucking dick) Is this okay?
Hootch: Yeah, its nice
NCG: Cuz I thought I heard you laugh
Hootch: Oh, that. I was just thinking of a funny part in Everybody Loves Raymond
NCG: WHAT?!?! I have your dick in my mouth and you're thinking about...
Hootch: (interrupting her) I'm just kidding. Sorry it was a stupid joke. Please, dont let me interrupt you. You're doing good.

So NCG is going to work and I start thinking - thats kinda weird the chick wont have sex with me but she'll suck my dick(her parents must be very proud)?! I mean, I haven't sucked anyone's dick before but to me that is a way more intimate gesture than sticking a penis in your vagina, but I dunno, maybe its a girl thing.

Then NCG starts talking again while continuing to suck.

NCG: Tell me how it feels
Hootch: It feels nice
NCG: What part feels nice?
Hootch: (ignoring the question)
NCG: What part feels nice?
Hootch: Oh, sorry. All of it.
NCG: Is there a part you dont like?
Hootch: Just the talking part.

I start laughing and she starts chucking the knuckles at me. We play fight for a bit and i swear I think she's trying to open-hand slap my testicles. Anyway, she wouldn't finish me off after that. Next time maybe I'll learn to keep my yap shut.


Chris said...

Absolutely wonderful!

Freak Magnet said...

OMG that was hilarious.

And, for the record, I'm with NCG in that sex is more intimate than a BJ. But that could be because I've been programmed to think that way by men.

question girl said...

heh heh heh

and i bet she's gonna want to talk during sex too


Me said...

Yeah, I think sex is more intimate than a blowjob as well.

And, have a talker. I'm betting she likes the dirty talk. Mmm...if you go with it, you'll probably have some really good sex, if that's what it takes to get her worked up. ;)

vivavavoom said...

Had to click on your blog based on your profile pic....makes those 2 look like very close cousins!! your story is hilarious...2 big mistakes....when she say it is "great" not "good" and never bring up any TV show thought while getting some head.
I also agree, a BJ is less intimate than sex...the girl has more to speak. But if you ever get serious with this boyfriend/girlfriend, my guess is after a few months you won't get any more head. enjoy it while you can and hope she finishes for you.

Dave said...


2 Dollar Productions said...

Everybody Loves Raymond, eh? Why not, that's just a damn good show. Ha.

Elaine said...

no no no...SHE needs to keep her yap shut.

What is it with chicks wanting a running commentary on their skillz while they give head??

I would have patted her on the head and said, "you just rove me rong time okay?"

hee. no don't do that. She would have probably bit it off.