the anime girl, cameron diaz and justin timberhootch

click, click... BOOM!! There goes my heart and my nuts exploding at the same time.

I walk into work on friday, talking to myself, as per usual, about how I think Lou Dobbs is secretly Mexican, when I turn the corner and come face to face with the anime girl. She is wearing this white, loose, summer, strapless top thing that had her entire shoulders and upper chest exposed.

Have mercy.

I would have stood a better chance going shoulder to grill against an outta control mack truck. The anime girl ran me over with little regard to my obvious wish to have her mount my face and ride me like she was the frontrunner in the Kentucky Derby.


I like to sing. I have a horrible voice but, damn, I like to sing. Especially in my car. On my way to work in the morning I slip in Justified in the CD player and I giv'er. Its not just that I sing the songs, but its more like I actually metaphysically become Justin Timberlake. Justin TimberHootch. This morning, as I was driving myself home from whatever gutter I spent in last night, I was singing the My Love song. But its not like I was only singing it. I was signing it with such pure-felt emotion and soul its like I was actually serenading Cameron Diaz's vagina... but not the Cameron Diaz of today cuz that shit looks a little worn out and had, but the Cameron Diaz from The Mask and Feeling Minnesota.