Conversations From the StairMaster - part 69

Me and Sterg at GoodLife Gym. 6am. Surrounded by geriatrics. On the StairMaster.

Hootch: Hey, did you hear? There is going to be a sex club openning near your pharmacy.

Sterg: What's a sex club?

Hootch: I dunno. I guess like a swingers joint or something.

Sterg: Yeah?

Hootch: Yeah. On the news they were interviewing several female members of sex clubs from other cities in North America and all the chicks were, like, fucking retarded looking.

Sterg: Of course, dude. Why would a good looking chick join a sex club?! Good looking chicks can get laid whenever they want without the benefit of any club or membership.

Hootch: You should've seen this one chick from a Swinger's Club in Montreal. She was missing all her front teeth. It looked like she could give head without even opening her mouth. So, you doing anything tonight?

Sterg: I may see that movie with Leonardo Dicaprio.

Hootch: Is that out already?

Sterg: I think so.

Hootch: Is Dicaprio still going out with that Giselle Bundchen chick.

Sterg: No I dont think so. He's got this other supermodel that he's banging now. Man, that guy knows how to cash in on his celebrity status.

Hootch: What do you mean?

Sterg: Well, you know how you see countless other Hollywood stars, or guys with money, hooking up with super-busted chicks? Not Leo though. He knows how to do it right. He only goes out with supermodels. I mean, think about it. If you've got money why would you go out with anyone other than a supermodel?

Hootch: If I was a celebrity, I'd go out with porn stars.

Sterg: I know, me too. Porno stars and supermodels.

Hootch: Not even supermodels for me, man. Strictly porn stars, thats it.

Sterg: I admire your discipline and restraint my friend.

Hootch: I've always wondered why more major pop culture icons dont hook up with porn stars.

Sterg: There's Tommy Lee.

Hootch: ACK!! Tommy Lee is a fag. I was thinking of guys more the ilk of Justin Timberlake. Why isn't he hopping from porno chick to porno chick? I mean, Cameron was alright in her day but come on... Can you imagine going from Sylvia Saint to Shyla Stylez to Avena Lee?

Sterg: Maybe their management thinks it'll be bad publicity.

Hootch: I think it'd be kinda cool to be known as the celebrity who can bridge the gap between the mainstream and porno. That'd be wild seeing Sylvia Saint attend high-profile public events with, like, Steven Speilberg or someone. The television camera would cut to a live picture of Steven Speilberg and the caption underneath would read "Directed Shindler's List". Then the cameras would cut to a picture of his date, Sylvia Saint, and the caption would say "sucks cock".

Sterg: You remember my cousin Mike, the porno king?

Hootch: Yeah. Your cousin Mike, the porno king, once sent me a picture of a chick blowing a horse to my work e-mail.

Sterg: Your work email?!?!

Hootch: Yeah, but still, even if he sent it to my home email address that shit is still fucked up. I mean, there arn't enough pictures of chicks blowing regular guy dick on the internet that Mike has to resort to downloading pictures of horse penis?!?!

Sterg: You are right. That shit is fucked up.

Hootch: Sorry I interrupted. What did you want to tell me about your cousin Mike, the porno king?

Sterg: Oh right...ah fuck it. I cant remember. It'll come to me later.