Friday, September 22, 2006

Conversations From the StairMaster - part 69

Me and Sterg at GoodLife Gym. 6am. Surrounded by geriatrics. On the StairMaster.

Hootch: Hey, did you hear? There is going to be a sex club openning near your pharmacy.

Sterg: What's a sex club?

Hootch: I dunno. I guess like a swingers joint or something.

Sterg: Yeah?

Hootch: Yeah. On the news they were interviewing several female members of sex clubs from other cities in North America and all the chicks were, like, fucking retarded looking.

Sterg: Of course, dude. Why would a good looking chick join a sex club?! Good looking chicks can get laid whenever they want without the benefit of any club or membership.

Hootch: You should've seen this one chick from a Swinger's Club in Montreal. She was missing all her front teeth. It looked like she could give head without even opening her mouth. So, you doing anything tonight?

Sterg: I may see that movie with Leonardo Dicaprio.

Hootch: Is that out already?

Sterg: I think so.

Hootch: Is Dicaprio still going out with that Giselle Bundchen chick.

Sterg: No I dont think so. He's got this other supermodel that he's banging now. Man, that guy knows how to cash in on his celebrity status.

Hootch: What do you mean?

Sterg: Well, you know how you see countless other Hollywood stars, or guys with money, hooking up with super-busted chicks? Not Leo though. He knows how to do it right. He only goes out with supermodels. I mean, think about it. If you've got money why would you go out with anyone other than a supermodel?

Hootch: If I was a celebrity, I'd go out with porn stars.

Sterg: I know, me too. Porno stars and supermodels.

Hootch: Not even supermodels for me, man. Strictly porn stars, thats it.

Sterg: I admire your discipline and restraint my friend.

Hootch: I've always wondered why more major pop culture icons dont hook up with porn stars.

Sterg: There's Tommy Lee.

Hootch: ACK!! Tommy Lee is a fag. I was thinking of guys more the ilk of Justin Timberlake. Why isn't he hopping from porno chick to porno chick? I mean, Cameron was alright in her day but come on... Can you imagine going from Sylvia Saint to Shyla Stylez to Avena Lee?

Sterg: Maybe their management thinks it'll be bad publicity.

Hootch: I think it'd be kinda cool to be known as the celebrity who can bridge the gap between the mainstream and porno. That'd be wild seeing Sylvia Saint attend high-profile public events with, like, Steven Speilberg or someone. The television camera would cut to a live picture of Steven Speilberg and the caption underneath would read "Directed Shindler's List". Then the cameras would cut to a picture of his date, Sylvia Saint, and the caption would say "sucks cock".

Sterg: You remember my cousin Mike, the porno king?

Hootch: Yeah. Your cousin Mike, the porno king, once sent me a picture of a chick blowing a horse to my work e-mail.

Sterg: Your work email?!?!

Hootch: Yeah, but still, even if he sent it to my home email address that shit is still fucked up. I mean, there arn't enough pictures of chicks blowing regular guy dick on the internet that Mike has to resort to downloading pictures of horse penis?!?!

Sterg: You are right. That shit is fucked up.

Hootch: Sorry I interrupted. What did you want to tell me about your cousin Mike, the porno king?

Sterg: Oh right...ah fuck it. I cant remember. It'll come to me later.


Me said...

So you going to the sex club? Hehehe.

Freak Magnet said...

Is he going to the sex club? He'll be there for the ribbon cutting ceremony.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

girls, girls, girls, why would I go out for hamburger, when I can have steak at home?

Did that sound as piggish to you as it did to me?

Me said...

Ah, that's right. I forgot about New Cootch.


lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

i'll join the sex club coz im retarded.

wanna join me?

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

lastlife - I should rewrite the part of my post where I explain what type of girls I like so the new version will read:

"Not even supermodels for me, man. Strictly porn stars and LastLifeInMyUniverse... and not necessarily in that order".


ps. its a date.


2 Dollar Productions said...

I remember seeing a story awhile back about Gina Lynn (excellent porn star) approaching Timberlake at a party and Cameron Diaz flipped out on her.


IDigHootchAndCootch said...

$2 - yeah. Jesse James was in toronto doing this music video critique show. She basically said about JT "if we hook up you can do whatever you want to me, no questions asked".

I imagine thats not a proposal Justin receives only on isolated occaisions. Lucky bugger.

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...


heh heh heh :>

Elaine said...

Porn chicks?
Isn't that a lot like buying a used BMW.

I mean, yeah it's a BMW, its pretty to look at, but it's been used so many times that the seats a little torn, the exhaust is loose, and there's crabs in the carpet...