Sterg: Whats this rumour I'm hearing about you taking hotblackchick to the basketball game.
Hootch: Yeah, I was gonna tell you about it but I never had the chance.
Sterg: Dude! I was supposed to go to that game with you!
Hootch: Yeah, but come on, its hotblackchick!! Besides, its only Sac town we're playing. Its gonna be a shit game.
Sterg: Thats not the point! The point is...
Babyface: (joining the conversation and interrupting Sterg) Hey, Hotblackchick just told me you two are having dinner tonight.
Sterg: You're having dinner, tonight, with her?
Hootch: Yeah. Who told you?
Babyface: I just said, she did, motherfucker. She came up to the cash in pharmacy to buy some shit and she mentioned the dinner.
Hootch: Ah.
Babyface: And guess what, dude? I have big developments for you.
Hootch: What? Did she say something?
Babyface: Its not what she said. Its what she bought.
Sterg: If she bought condoms for Hootch I'm gonna kill myself.
Babyface: She didn't buy condoms but she bought something just as indicative.
Hootch: Well, what, man, what did she buy?
Babyface: Vasoline.
Hootch: What?
Babyface: Vasoline, dude. She bought vasoline!! Thats just as telling as if she bought condoms.
Hootch: I cant believe I got excited there for a second. You're an idiot.
Babyface: Dude, she's sending a signal. She bought the vasoline at the pharmacy cash on purpose cuz she knew I would see the lubricant and tell you. She wants you, guy. She wants you!
Sterg: Shit, babyface is right. Hootch, you need to send a signal back.
Hootch: What!? No! You guys are morons. She just bought vasoline ok, lets not read anything into it that isn't there. Its nothing. And you're idiots.
Babyface: You know what you need to do? Buy a pack of condoms and take them to the cosmetics cash and let hotblackchick see and ring you up.
Sterg: And dont buy those fucking ultrathick condoms you like. Buy something from the Trojan For Her Pleasure line, so she thinks you're sensitive. I think that'll score big points before you ask her to suck your balls.
Hootch: Ok, that is not gonna happen.
Babyface: Fuck, dude, do we have to do everything for you?
Sterg: (Yelling probably loud enough for hotblackchick to hear at the cosmetics counter) NO, SORRY, HOOTCH. WE DONT HAVE ANY CONDOMS LARGER THAN THE MAGNUM DOUBLE EXTRA LARGE.
Babyface: You forgot to say "for her pleasure".
Sterg: Shit, you're right.
Babyface: Dont worry. I got a good one. (yelling) GOOD NEWS, HOOTCH. THE PHARMACY JUST RECEIVED YOUR STD TEST RESULTS. LOOKS LIKE YOUR PENIS IS DISEASE FREE, JUST IN CASE YOUR NEXT PARTNER WANTS TO BARE-BACK IT.
And with that I walked away wondering if hotblackchick heard any of our nonsense.
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10 comments:
sorry, champ, but any girl purchasing vaseline probably wants to remove some make-up, un-chap those lips, or prepare for a suppository, not have sex. they do make *actual* lube for that, you know, a girl doesn't have to rub crude oil on her vag before shoehorning in the next victim.
I love your friends....it's like the complete each other, brain-wise or something. ;)
You make me miss working in a drug store with all my friends. I don't miss the public, but the store setting and all the friends, yes.
yeah, chicks buy real lube if they're serious. The KY that heats up a bit. GENIUS.
Vaseline...maybe for the chapped lips she's going to have after servicing the general? That's still a good sign right?
I just fell off my exercise ball that I use as a desk chair. Gorgeous conversation.
Good luck with HBC.
That was Franki. Word Veri makes me nervous.
kismetic - despite probabilities, in my mind the scened unfolded like this:
HBG: that was a great dinner. Are you up for some anal?
Hootch: I dunno. Its not my first choice but I can rock it.
HBC: Oh, I'm so happy to hear you say that cuz I bought this brand new vasoline that I'm eager to try out...
me: Everytime I see sterg I say "you...you complete me". Then I french him.
freakmagnet: I bet you also dont miss the minimum wage salary.
yo momma - thanks for keeping the dream alive
franki - I dunno why but I find the use of an exercise ball as a desk chair oddly arousing. It must me the pilates master in me.
You're right to be oddly aroused. You should see me bouncin around on this thing.
franki - no fair teasing... unless you're gonna send pics.
(shaking head) I cant believe I'm soliciting for pics on the 'net. I'm such a disgrace to the studs who occasionally visit my blog like $2 and J7.
Actually, I think I read somewhere that petroleum breaks down the latex in a condom...so maybe she's trying to get you to knock her up, I mean, if she was buying it as lube...
Just a thought...
LOL.
So...have fun with that.
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