Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My friends, the relationship experts.

Sterg: Whats this rumour I'm hearing about you taking hotblackchick to the basketball game.

Hootch: Yeah, I was gonna tell you about it but I never had the chance.

Sterg: Dude! I was supposed to go to that game with you!

Hootch: Yeah, but come on, its hotblackchick!! Besides, its only Sac town we're playing. Its gonna be a shit game.

Sterg: Thats not the point! The point is...

Babyface: (joining the conversation and interrupting Sterg) Hey, Hotblackchick just told me you two are having dinner tonight.

Sterg: You're having dinner, tonight, with her?

Hootch: Yeah. Who told you?

Babyface: I just said, she did, motherfucker. She came up to the cash in pharmacy to buy some shit and she mentioned the dinner.

Hootch: Ah.

Babyface: And guess what, dude? I have big developments for you.

Hootch: What? Did she say something?

Babyface: Its not what she said. Its what she bought.

Sterg: If she bought condoms for Hootch I'm gonna kill myself.

Babyface: She didn't buy condoms but she bought something just as indicative.

Hootch: Well, what, man, what did she buy?

Babyface: Vasoline.

Hootch: What?

Babyface: Vasoline, dude. She bought vasoline!! Thats just as telling as if she bought condoms.

Hootch: I cant believe I got excited there for a second. You're an idiot.

Babyface: Dude, she's sending a signal. She bought the vasoline at the pharmacy cash on purpose cuz she knew I would see the lubricant and tell you. She wants you, guy. She wants you!

Sterg: Shit, babyface is right. Hootch, you need to send a signal back.

Hootch: What!? No! You guys are morons. She just bought vasoline ok, lets not read anything into it that isn't there. Its nothing. And you're idiots.

Babyface: You know what you need to do? Buy a pack of condoms and take them to the cosmetics cash and let hotblackchick see and ring you up.

Sterg: And dont buy those fucking ultrathick condoms you like. Buy something from the Trojan For Her Pleasure line, so she thinks you're sensitive. I think that'll score big points before you ask her to suck your balls.

Hootch: Ok, that is not gonna happen.

Babyface: Fuck, dude, do we have to do everything for you?

Sterg: (Yelling probably loud enough for hotblackchick to hear at the cosmetics counter) NO, SORRY, HOOTCH. WE DONT HAVE ANY CONDOMS LARGER THAN THE MAGNUM DOUBLE EXTRA LARGE.

Babyface: You forgot to say "for her pleasure".

Sterg: Shit, you're right.

Babyface: Dont worry. I got a good one. (yelling) GOOD NEWS, HOOTCH. THE PHARMACY JUST RECEIVED YOUR STD TEST RESULTS. LOOKS LIKE YOUR PENIS IS DISEASE FREE, JUST IN CASE YOUR NEXT PARTNER WANTS TO BARE-BACK IT.

And with that I walked away wondering if hotblackchick heard any of our nonsense.

10 comments:

kismetic said...

sorry, champ, but any girl purchasing vaseline probably wants to remove some make-up, un-chap those lips, or prepare for a suppository, not have sex. they do make *actual* lube for that, you know, a girl doesn't have to rub crude oil on her vag before shoehorning in the next victim.

Me said...

I love your friends....it's like the complete each other, brain-wise or something. ;)

Freak Magnet said...

You make me miss working in a drug store with all my friends. I don't miss the public, but the store setting and all the friends, yes.

Yo Momma said...

yeah, chicks buy real lube if they're serious. The KY that heats up a bit. GENIUS.

Vaseline...maybe for the chapped lips she's going to have after servicing the general? That's still a good sign right?

Anonymous said...

I just fell off my exercise ball that I use as a desk chair. Gorgeous conversation.

Good luck with HBC.

Franki said...

That was Franki. Word Veri makes me nervous.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

kismetic - despite probabilities, in my mind the scened unfolded like this:

HBG: that was a great dinner. Are you up for some anal?

Hootch: I dunno. Its not my first choice but I can rock it.

HBC: Oh, I'm so happy to hear you say that cuz I bought this brand new vasoline that I'm eager to try out...

me: Everytime I see sterg I say "you...you complete me". Then I french him.

freakmagnet: I bet you also dont miss the minimum wage salary.

yo momma - thanks for keeping the dream alive

franki - I dunno why but I find the use of an exercise ball as a desk chair oddly arousing. It must me the pilates master in me.

Franki said...

You're right to be oddly aroused. You should see me bouncin around on this thing.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

franki - no fair teasing... unless you're gonna send pics.

(shaking head) I cant believe I'm soliciting for pics on the 'net. I'm such a disgrace to the studs who occasionally visit my blog like $2 and J7.

Samantha_K said...

Actually, I think I read somewhere that petroleum breaks down the latex in a condom...so maybe she's trying to get you to knock her up, I mean, if she was buying it as lube...
Just a thought...
LOL.
So...have fun with that.