Friday, January 12, 2007

Download the Butter08 song "ButterFucker"... it now, motherfuckers, cuz that shit will blow your fucking minds.

The Butter 08 concert I went to a million years ago may have been the best show I've ever been to. The evening started out not unlike any other. I was stealing booze from Mally's parents liquor cabinet and Mally was riffling through his mom's purse looking for money we could use to procure hand-jobs, later on that night.

The concert was at a small-ish venue called Lee's Palace in downtown Toronto. I drove as Mally proceeded to get fucked by drinking the majority of the hootch. The hootch was 75% vodka and 25% diet Fresca. However, after Mally finished with his share, the hootch was 65% vodka, 15% diet Fresca and 20% backwash. We parked about 15 minutes walking distance from the club and I hit my fair share of the hootch, also, as we made our way.

By the time we stepped in the joint I was rocking a pretty good buzz but Mally was completely fucking toast. He disappeared to the bathroom for the rest of the night.

Left alone in the club I was scoping the joint for pretty chicks to hit on when just about the ugliest girl in the world came up to me and said "I like your shirt". I was wearing my Jack Kerouac t-shirt. Its what I normally wore when I wanted to score points with the hippie chicks at school. Anyway, I cant remember the ugly chick's name but she was a writer from California. She travelled North America writing reviews of theatre productions, musicals, plays, ballets, and other shit like that. I told ugly writer chick that the only musical I saw was Cabaret.

Ugly Writer Chick: Did you like it?
Hootch: It was alright, I guess.
Ugly Writer Chick: What about Shakespeare? Do you like Shakespeare?"
Hootch: OOHHHH NOOOO WAY!! I didn't mind seeing Cabaret but I fucking hate Sharespeare. Yep, for musicals I definately have to draw the line at Shakespeare.
Ugly Writer Chick: Ahhhh... Shakespeare didn't write musicals, dumbass.

ack, I'm tired of this story. The night ended with Ugly Writer Chick blowing me off for some 90 pound cross between Jarvis Cocker and Rivers Cuomo, who thought he was cool because he wore a sports blazer and jeans. Fuckin douche.


Me said...

Yes!!! You're back.

Now, I'm hoping you don't think all writer chicks are ugly...cause I know I'm not. ;)


Melissa said...

Shattering... you got blown off by the ugly girl... damn.

2 Dollar Productions said...

Sports Jacket & Jeans - very original. And I would think that the Jack shirt would get you some decent intellectual attention, the good looks, however, not so much.

nobich said...

Mally backwash ew. Glad you're back Hootch!!

Freak Magnet said...

Finefuckally. I missed you.

Who the hell in their right mind drinks Fresca? *shudders*

julia said...

*diet* fresca at that. hott, hooch.